One. Fucking. Week. Seven days. One hundred and sixty six hours. Nine thousand, nine hundred and sixty minutes. Five hundred ninety seven thousand and six hundred second. The countdown is ON.
You guys should all know how this works by now, after all this is the twelve year of the tournament. But just for my own sanity, I’m going to spell out some of the major issues here in case anyone still confused.
The scorecards for rounds one, two, and three should be pretty self explanatory, but just in case…
The holes when strokes are given will be marked. Write down the score you got on each hole, not your score with the strokes given applied. Those are just there to make your match score easier to follow. I need the cards to have actual scores on them in case something happens to the Golf Gamebook app. Each match is worth 1 point, halves are worth .5 points.
Your round 3 scorecard will have your handicap for that round, so you’ll need to subtract that from your gross score to determine the flight winners.
Alright, bookmark this page, because I’ll be far to frazzled at tKO to actually answer of your questions.
Alright boys, pencils down. Handicaps are officially locked and loaded for #tKOXII. I’m not going to update the lines on the site, but feel free to check out the match up posts to find out if your opponents played their cards right over the last few weeks. Don’t worry about changing anything on your Golf Gamebook profile, in fact, don’t touch anything there. I’ll make sure everyone’s is correct.
Here’s what I’m listing and why:
Keep an eye out for posts to pick up a little big over the next two weeks, some important, some not so much. I’m basically just trying not to go crazy looking at the weather.
I’ve made the mistake of opening this forum up for questions and won’t be doing that again. I don’t expect any of you to remember this, understand it, or even care, but just for my peace of mind, I wanted to list out all the sidegames going at this year’s tournament.
Individual High Scorer – Each match you play is worth 1 point, so you can win up to 4 points on Friday. Saturday morning flights scoring is 3 points for first, 2 for second, 1 for third, and none for fourth. Hopefully last year’s high scorer (Greg) added some personal touches that memorialized his win to that sweet, sweet Dunlop bag, because unless he repeats, he’ll have to say goodbye at the close of this year’s tournament. If Pete can scare up some more free shit, we’ll throw that in too.
Closest to the Pins – Every par 3 in the first three rounds is a closest to the pin challenge with a sleeve of tKO logo balls up for the winner. As someone with closest to the pin winning logo balls coming out the wahzoo, they make great little collectables. I’m already excited about the ones I’m sure to win this year.
Round 3 Hole In One Challenges – In addition to the logo balls, Saturday morning’s par 3’s will have hole in one prizes, featuring the $28,000 payout on #13 that we’ve never even been remotely close to winning. But at least with the beverage cart parked there and the tunes blaring, it kind of has a 17th at the Waste Management Open feel to it. Greg, do me a favor and jump in the comments with the prizes for the other hole in ones? A flight, clubs, and tv?
Skins – New to tKOXII is the Skins Game. Baked into your tournament entry is a $20 skins buy in, so we have a pot of $560. Half of that we’re giving to charity and the other half will be our skins pot. Skins are won using your handicapped score and must be won outright. We won’t know the value of the skins until the end of Round 3. Given the number of players, there’s probably not going to be many skins won outright, so these things could be worth a decent chunk. I’m going to have to figure this out manually, which is going to be a pain in the ass, so you better like it!
Drive Chip And Putt – Mentioned briefly in an earlier post, here’s Robinson with a few more details:
Drive, Chip & Putt (technically Putt, Drive & Chip in that order but that doesn’t have a good ring to it). Entry fee for the inaugural DCP competition ($20) was included in your tournament dues, so no additional out of pocket expenses on this one. Anyone who doesn’t want to participate, too bad, we already have your money and no refunds.
Handicaps lock in on Monday, so this weekend is your last opportunity to go out and ruin your chances of winning the Bixler. Some of the extended forecasts are showing sunny skies and a nice jump in temperatures, but I’ve fallen for that trap before. I won’t start losing sleep over this until we’re inside 10 days, at which point, I won’t sleep again until after tKOXII when I cry myself to sleep.
I booked the trip yesterday and my girl Kathy told me they’ve renovated the Best Western both inside and out. Hopefully our hyper-elite signage was preserved. I’m sure it was. One quick note before the round 2 matchups: I’m locking in the handicaps in on 5/7, so you’ll have Cinco De Mayo weekend to squeeze in one more round.
Just like in round 1, Eleven* Pints will get the honor of starting on the 1st hole. And these lines aren’t final.
Holes #1 – 9 (Group A)
Holes #1 – 9 (Group B)
Holes #2 – 10 (Group A)
Holes #2 – 10 (Group B)
Holes #3 – 11 (Group A)
Holes #3 – 11 (Group B)
Holes #4 – 12
Again, you should be able to figure this out, but here are your second nine matches.
Holes #10 – 18 (Group A)
Holes #10 – 18 (Group B)
Holes #11 – 1 (Group A)
Holes #11 – 1 (Group B)
Holes #12 – 2 (Group A)
Holes #12 – 2 (Group B)
Holes #13 – 3
Before I jump into the morning session matchups, huge shoutout to Danny for his big news. In case you missed it, Danny joins Kevin in the Expectant Father Club at this year’s tournament. However, Danny did it like a grizzled vet and his kid isn’t due until the fall, unlike some of you who decided to cut it way, way too close for comfort. Congrats Danny, I’d say I’ll buy you a drink at tKO, but that would make the assumption that there will even be a moment when you don’t already have one in hand.
One month out, L.F.G. Here are your morning session matches and the very, very early lines. Official lines won’t set until May 4th when your playing handicaps are locked in. So if you are sitting on any old scores, make sure they are all in Fairway Files by then. Afternoon session matches come out next Friday.
As defending champs, Eleven Pints* get to start all their Friday rounds on hole #1. I use a very basic formula to come up with the matchups and promise I didn’t play any favorites here. So don’t start bitching to me about what hole you start on or who you are playing with.
Holes #1 – 9 (Group A)
Holes #1 – 9 (Group B)
Holes #18 – 8 (Group A)
Holes #18 – 8 (Group B)
Holes #17 – 7 (Group A)
Holes #17 – 7 (Group B)
Holes #16 – 6
You probably should be able to figure this out, but here are the matchups for your second match in the Friday morning session.
Holes #10 – 18 (Group A)
Holes #10 – 18 (Group B)
Holes #9 – 17 (Group A)
Holes #9 – 17 (Group B)
Holes #8 – 16 (Group A)
Holes #8 – 16 (Group B)
Holes #7 – 15
In my very humble opinion, the most intriguing match from the front nine is the Chairman vs his right hand man. Who knows, things might get interesting and we’ll put the future of tKO leadership on the line in this match?
Most intriguing back nine match? It has to be a rematch of Nate vs Keith and his 17 strokes! I’ll need one of them to refresh my memory, but I’m pretty sure Keith took Nate right down to the wire, before Nate closed out the match on the last hole as the storm rolled in. Close second most intriguing is the matchup of the last two Bixler winners. What can I say? I’m an intriguing person.
Yes, we are basically a month away from tKOXII, the tKO that is supposed to save us from our memories of what a disaster tKOXI was. And yes, it snowed earlier this week. And yes, it’s supposed to snow again next week. But not today, goddamnit. Today it is 40+ degrees in Chicago. Today we dream.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about some of these combinations coming together and form something that at least resembles a cohesive unit, but it looks like I might be proven wrong. I’ve calculated the tKO Success Rating (tSR) for each team (RDGC’s + Bixlers + Flight Pints – DFL’s) and Mike R. has created a whole new predictive metric hereby known as The Robinson Unit, which is based on your teams net scoring against par. You’ll have to contact him for his thesis statement on the analytics behind The Robinson Unit, it’s far too complicated a metric to be explained here. All you need to know is the lower, the better.
Asian James, Tall James, Greg, Jeremy
tSR = 12 , Robinson Unit = 296.2
The defending champs and the statistical favorites by every measure, anything short of another championship would be a massive disappointment. I’m torn on how much I love their broke ass logo and how disrespected I am by it.
Robinson, Ben, Kevin, Keith
tSR = 9, Robinson Unit = 308.6
B2G seemingly has it all. A creative genius for uniforms and team names, of which his backup names might have been better than this. The defending Bixler champ. A former champ, looking to prove expansion hasn’t rendered his game a relic. And the current DFL holder, who wants nothing more than to rid himself of that trophy.
Dre, Brendan, Ian, Bryce
tSR = 6, Robinson Unit = 304.7
The name might not make any sense to you, but trust me when I say that no team at tKOXII has established the connection that we have. Don’t even ask.
Rich, Marty, Austin, Mark S.
tSR = 6, Robinson Unit = 299.1
The only team in the field with two Bixler winners, albeit Marty’s is complete bullshit. Building the team around their incredibly pleasant demeanor only makes sense. Judging from their logo, I’m guessing they won’t play so nice when the competition gets going. But they probably will. They are just so fucking nice.
Cahill, Wally, Shane, Caravello
tSR = 4, Robinson Unit = 305.6
I didn’t think anything was going to top Boyz II Glen, but then Old Man & The C’s and their ridiculous logo made their way into my inbox and I was instantly in love. I wasn’t sure what to think of this team when it was initially drawn, now I don’t see how they can lose.
White James, Trey, Aschman, Pete
tSR = 9 , Robinson Unit = 318.6
Leave it to these guys to have a logo heavily featuring a dildo strapped to a horse’s head. I can’t believe Cahill and Wally weren’t involved in that creative decision last year. I was a little worried about this team’s chemistry at first, but they seem to be taking to each other rather nicely.
Nate, Lloyd, Mat, Danny
tSR = 7 , Robinson Unit = 317.6
Just imagine how broke-ass this logo would have been if they didn’t have someone with the artistic eye of an architect on the team. Holy shit, what a trainwreck. I love them.
Round 1 Matchups will come out next week, round 2 the week after that. If you are interested in the practice round, let me know ASAP. So far we have: me, Robinson, Ian, Rich, Asian James, Wally, Keith, Ben, Lloyd, White James and maybe Austin.
Big ups to anyone that’s paid already, for the handful of guys that haven’t, please get me that $452.00 by the end of the month, if not sooner.
Just over a month out. Snow in the forecast for this Sunday. Let’s. Fucking. Go.
Go to Masters.com immediately!
But first, send me your tournament entry fee! $452.00! I need it before the end of the month, but the sooner, the better. Big ups to everyone who’s already paid. I love you very much.
And don’t forget to send over your team names and logos by next Thursday.
Basically a month out from when we can start eye f*cking the 10 day forecast. Absolutely not going to panic yet. I’m sure it’s going to warm up 50 degrees in a few weeks. Totally natural weather pattern.
The financials are in on this year’s the Kendallville Open and I’m happy to announce that we’ve come in significantly under budget. By going with two rounds at Cobblestone and the school bus instead of multiple vans to Glendarin Hills, we were able to save $20 per person. So this year’s tKO will cost $452. As always, I’m happy to provide a line by line breakdown of that cost at your request. The only added expense this year is an extra $6 per person, to cover the tips for the bus driver and lunches at Cobblestone and Glendarin. By all means, feel free to tip on top of that if you feel inclined, but your basic gratuity is being built into the cost of the tournament. This obviously does not include tips on your (likely absurd) tabs with the beverage carts or bartenders, nor does it include tips for the late night treats at Glendarin. We’ve passed the hat around for the staff at Glendarin at the end of the night in the past, so don’t be surprised if that happens again.
I need to make the payment to the hotel and golf courses by May 1st, so please pay me by then. But if you want to pay now, I’m starting to order all the custom shit next week, so my Venmo/PayPal/Chase Quick Pay are very much open, payment via Chase Quick Pay is preferred. It’s all connected to my Gmail, which you all should have, but if you aren’t sure just hit me up. (Rich – I’ll give you my address for your grandpa checks.)
In other news, here’s the tentative roster for the practice round: me, Wally, Robinson, Ian, Asian James, Ben, Rich, and Keith (WTF?!). If you are interested in the practice round, let me know by mid-April. We’ll be playing Cobblestone around 12:30 on Thursday and it should be about $30, which you pay at the course.
Trey (you guys remember him?) suggested that we fire up a Slack channel for all things tKO. I’m still figuring out the ins and outs of the whole thing, but so far it seems like a pretty great way to connect with everyone. If you are interested in joining up, let me know and I’ll give you the password. It’s crazy exclusive.
Last thing, our fundraising/community outreach lord and savior Pete is hard at work again this year. While securing another generous gift from Applebee’s, they also provided some pictures of our gift to them last year, hanging proudly in Applebee’s Store #75.
White James and Kevin, I hope you are both hard at work on your welcome speeches and champions menu that will be served beneath this, like holy communion in the Sistine Chapel.
FYI: Team logos and names are due in two weeks. I am taking bets on the number of emails have gone back and forth between Nate, Lloyd, Hart, and Danny. The early line is set at =/- 1.5.
Holy shit. The tension in Parlor on Fright night was almost too much to bear, especially when it came down to the last two teams picked. My god. Watching that UMBC v UVA upset was honestly a nice respite after all the adrenaline coursing through our veins during the draft.
While the group chat for my team started the second Bryce’s name was drawn, I can’t imagine everyone’s team has been quite as proactive. If you don’t have someone on your team’s email address (or cell), holler at me. Because there’s a fair amount of stuff to put together and organize involving team names, get me your team name and logo by 4/12. Any team that fails to submit something by then will be subject to my discretion. For the most part, I don’t think we’ll have any issues there, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t think there was one team that I’m fairly certain won’t talk to each other at all leading up to tKO.
We’re officially under two months, and basically no one has played any kind of golf this year, so I’m assuming handicaps are going to jump all over the place over the next couple weeks. But here are my early draft grades: