Yes, we are basically a month away from tKOXII, the tKO that is supposed to save us from our memories of what a disaster tKOXI was. And yes, it snowed earlier this week. And yes, it’s supposed to snow again next week. But not today, goddamnit. Today it is 40+ degrees in Chicago. Today we dream.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about some of these combinations coming together and form something that at least resembles a cohesive unit, but it looks like I might be proven wrong. I’ve calculated the tKO Success Rating (tSR) for each team (RDGC’s + Bixlers + Flight Pints – DFL’s) and Mike R. has created a whole new predictive metric hereby known as The Robinson Unit, which is based on your teams net scoring against par. You’ll have to contact him for his thesis statement on the analytics behind The Robinson Unit, it’s far too complicated a metric to be explained here. All you need to know is the lower, the better.
Nine Eleven Pints* & a Blazer
Asian James, Tall James, Greg, Jeremy
tSR = 12 , Robinson Unit = 296.2
The defending champs and the statistical favorites by every measure, anything short of another championship would be a massive disappointment. I’m torn on how much I love their broke ass logo and how disrespected I am by it.
Boyz II Glen
Robinson, Ben, Kevin, Keith
tSR = 9, Robinson Unit = 308.6
B2G seemingly has it all. A creative genius for uniforms and team names, of which his backup names might have been better than this. The defending Bixler champ. A former champ, looking to prove expansion hasn’t rendered his game a relic. And the current DFL holder, who wants nothing more than to rid himself of that trophy.
Dre, Brendan, Ian, Bryce
tSR = 6, Robinson Unit = 304.7
The name might not make any sense to you, but trust me when I say that no team at tKOXII has established the connection that we have. Don’t even ask.
The Nice Guys
Rich, Marty, Austin, Mark S.
tSR = 6, Robinson Unit = 299.1
The only team in the field with two Bixler winners, albeit Marty’s is complete bullshit. Building the team around their incredibly pleasant demeanor only makes sense. Judging from their logo, I’m guessing they won’t play so nice when the competition gets going. But they probably will. They are just so fucking nice.
The Old Man & The C’s
Cahill, Wally, Shane, Caravello
tSR = 4, Robinson Unit = 305.6
I didn’t think anything was going to top Boyz II Glen, but then Old Man & The C’s and their ridiculous logo made their way into my inbox and I was instantly in love. I wasn’t sure what to think of this team when it was initially drawn, now I don’t see how they can lose.
The James’ Gang
White James, Trey, Aschman, Pete
tSR = 9 , Robinson Unit = 318.6
Leave it to these guys to have a logo heavily featuring a dildo strapped to a horse’s head. I can’t believe Cahill and Wally weren’t involved in that creative decision last year. I was a little worried about this team’s chemistry at first, but they seem to be taking to each other rather nicely.
Nate, Lloyd, Mat, Danny
tSR = 7 , Robinson Unit = 317.6
Just imagine how broke-ass this logo would have been if they didn’t have someone with the artistic eye of an architect on the team. Holy shit, what a trainwreck. I love them.
Round 1 Matchups will come out next week, round 2 the week after that. If you are interested in the practice round, let me know ASAP. So far we have: me, Robinson, Ian, Rich, Asian James, Wally, Keith, Ben, Lloyd, White James and maybe Austin.
Big ups to anyone that’s paid already, for the handful of guys that haven’t, please get me that $452.00 by the end of the month, if not sooner.
Just over a month out. Snow in the forecast for this Sunday. Let’s. Fucking. Go.