Glendarin Hills #10 – #12

Really appreciate you ballsacks getting smart in the comments last week when I said I’d address your questions. Last time I try that move.

Glendarin Hills #10 – Par 5 – 554 yards – Handicap #6

tKO Average: 6.96 (+1.96, 5th hardest for tko participants)

GDH 10

Just an abso-fucking-lutely perfect golf hole. #10 is the first hole you see as you drive down Glendarin Hill’s version of Magnolia Lane and there could NOT be a more welcoming sight. From the elevated tee box, what I’m guessing is the highest point on the course, you can see 9, 10, 11, 18, and people teeing off on 12. I’ll let you guys in peek behind the curtain here. Standing on the 10th tee box during the morning round is my absolute favorite moment of the entire weekend. The sun’s out in full effect, most the time I’ve just ordered like 50 beers, I look around and can see 27 of my closest friends playing absolute shit golf and I couldn’t feel prouder. I love #10 at Glendarin Hills.

However, I do hate that tee shot. Fuck, that’s intimidating. Vet move, go ahead and yank that drive a mile left into the long shit. More than likely, you are going to lay up anyway and this even gives you a better angle at doing that, because the fairway really extends down the left side. With a creek to carry plus going up hill two clubs, don’t even think about going for it.

The only playoff hole in tKO Scramble history played out here during a monsoon at tKOIX. After Cahill, Mat, Mustang, and I made a bogey, the team of Ian, Tall James, Ben, and Wally only needed a par to win. Unfortunately Wally and Ben were basically dead by way of alcohol. Victims of friendly fire. After landing in a washed out greenside bunker, the window was open. Only to be slammed shut when either Tall James or Ian splashed out a beautiful bunker shot that somehow checked up and left them with a downhill 20 footer for birdie. Again, Wally and Ben were worthless, so they obviously missed their putts. But Ian fucking nailed it and starred our team down with Ian Poulter Ryder Cup Eyes, letting out a primal scream. Jesus Ian, I think I’m falling in love with you while I write these things.


Glendarin Hills #11 – Par 4 – 390 yards – Handicap #12

tKO Average: 5.54 (+1.54, 7th hardest for tko participants)

GDH 11

Formerly a long drive hole, I believe we moved away from #11 when someone’s errant drive landing inside that caged trampoline off the left of the fairway. I decided probably not a good idea to encourage extra aggressive swings when children’s lives are at stake. My favorite part about this hole is the annual tradition of like 15 guys finding their drive in one of those backyards and just saying “fuck it, i’m not taking this penalty, I don’t care if the homeowner is on his deck watching me take massive divot after massive divot out of his yard on my practice swings. I’m fucking playing it.”

Two years ago, after an all night ragers where Ben, Stang, Shane, and I actually closed a bar, perhaps tKO’s most ambitious plan was originally hatched. The morning after Stang, Shane, my wife, and I immediately hit the bar for the shampoo effect. The race to beat the hangover was on. And goddamn it, we went Usain Bolt on that bitch. Twelve hours and a $2,000 bar table later, we decided we were going to buy one of those houses off the left fairway and turn it into tKO Ground Zero and vacation rental home. Zillow was pulled up. We looked up current interest rates. All the while, my wife plotted her divorce.


Glendarin Hills #12 – Par 4 – 374 yards – Handicap #4

tKO Average: 6.31 (+2.31, 2nd hardest for tko participants)

GDH 12

You probably wouldn’t even think of this hole when trying to pick the hardest holes of the weekend, but it’s right there at the top of the list. I don’t know how many different ways I’ve tried to play this hole, but none of them have worked. Short iron off the tee, in hopes of keeping it in play? Nope, now you have 200 yards to a blind green. Longer iron? Blocked out to the right, now I’m punching out and still have that same 200 yards to a blind green. Saying fuck it, pulling driver, and somehow hitting it straight? Too bad, you drove it through the fairway into the rough, where you have a completely blind shot to an elevated green. This hole is fucking worthless. If anyone has figured out how to play it, please hit the comments.


18 thoughts on “Glendarin Hills #10 – #12

  1. TJ says:

    Could be the worst day ever..woke up seeing the 3 hardest holes in golf explained so eloquently only to read on to hear Ian got credit for my greatest golfing, I mean life accomplishment…the 8 foot down hill left to right totally blackout drunk flushed putt to win the Masters, I mean scramble….

    • Yosh says:

      Fuck, that’s totally on me. I’ve just become so infatuated with ian since I started writing these things that now i’m just giving him credit for everything. I totally remember it clearly now, you hit the putt. Ian hit the sand save. I think I was just blocking you out of my memory for making me put bengay on my nuts last year and feeding me floor pizza at Kevin’s bachelor party.

    • ben82law says:

      I believe the smell of Bengay across the grounds of GH attracted some never before seen wildlife. Leave that shit at home this year.

  2. Know Your History says:

    For the record, Chairman, and despite repeated efforts to deny my legacy as Scramble Mother, tKOV included both my first-born and the first playoff hole, wherein Team BAMM! (Brooks, RIP — pour one out from his vodka stash, Austin, Indy Mark, RIP — pour one out from a Miller Lite or possibly an O’Doul’s, and me) birdied its last regulation hole from the back fringe of #2 to tie it while the leading group — a beast of a squad that included Rich and newly-crowned White James, if I recall correctly — sat greenside, looking on in horror. Then from the 1st fairway, as the skies opened, a certain life-giver stuck his approach inside five feet and, as the ensuing birdie fell for the win, a distinct sound came down from the heavens … BAMM!

    • Yosh says:

      How on earth did a Brooks, Austin, Indy Mark, Marty team beat a team with Rich and White James?!? This is fake news

      • WJ says:

        This is mostly true I think, except for the part where I was newly crowned since at the time the scramble was still before the final round. I am trying to think back as to why we lost so I went back and looked at the history page for TKO V. Here is what I found…

        4. Indy Mark- 90/93/81 – 264 (1st flight Winner)
        5. Brendan Y. – 88/87/91 -266
        6. Rich – 87/91/91 – 269
        7. Curt – 92/106/94 – 292 (2nd flight Winner)
        T-8. Greg – 104/100/94 -298 (3rd flight Winner)
        T-8. Ben – 96/101/101 – 298
        T-10. Austin – 101/100/100 – 301
        T-10. Ian – 98/100/103 – 301
        12. Marty – 100/102/101 – 303

        You will notice Brooks was not included above but I would like to point out that he was in the final group on Sunday until he melted down and ended up DNF. I don’t remember who else Rich and I had in the group but as you can see the other group was all top-12.

      • GP says:

        I think the scramble team was Rich, WJ, Greg and Keith. I remember being super pissed about losing because it was obvious that Brookes was cheating.

      • Rich says:

        I think that’s the scramble where we were doing a shot for every birdie. Just had too many birdies the front 9

  3. Ian says:

    ”Twas the greatest hole of golf every played…

    • Yosh says:

      Maybe the Poulter eyes came out on the tee box after you mashed a drive? I can’t remember anything.

    • ben82law says:

      It’s a true pleasure and honor to have Ian on RWTW. Having someone who doesn’t need to line up a putt or know the yardage to any hole (it’s a gap wedge) is like having an arsenal of MOABS vs Sling Shots. Long live the king…. oh yea.. good putt TJ. I barely remember any of that. I was there for moral support.

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