Glendarin Hills #7 – Par 3 – 164 yards – Handicap #17
tKO Average: 4.19 (+1.19, 15th hardest for tko participants)
Another $70 cash grab for the Closest to the Pin this year and a hole in one will get you a set of golf clubs. Not sure why you’d want a new set of clubs if you just made a hole in one with the ones you have. My advice here? Purposely do not get a hole in one on #7.
Deceptively uphill, make sure you have enough club to clear the bunker short and left of the green. Hills on the right will funnel shots back onto the green, but if you ball gets held up, you’ll have a very tricky downhill chip. #7 is almost exactly the same as #17, so if you are in the hunt for some hardware, keep this in mind when you are making your charge.
Glendarin Hills #8 – Par 4 – 337 yards – Handicap #11
tKO Average: 5.21 (+1.21, T-13th hardest for tko participants)
Do not hit a driver here. Just don’t. Even if you hit the shot of your life (you won’t), best case scenario is that you end up in the bunker that guards the front of the green. Worst case scenario, basically every other thing that happens. Take something you can hit 185-200 yards and aim at that tree that appears to be in the middle of the fairway. From there you’ll have a short iron into the shallowest green you’ll see all weekend. You are aware of the bunker short, but don’t miss long, because that’s cart path and then woods. The only relief here is left.
I can’t remember what tKO it was, but #8 is site of the most recent full on Volcano Cahill eruption. Heeding against my advice, he blocked his driver dead right on the other side of the stone wall that runs through the woods. If you didn’t know there was a stone wall in those woods, congrats, you are a much better golfer than I. I am intimately aware of the wall. After 4 or 5 unsuccessful attempts at punching out, Cahill finally emerges. He slammed on the gas so hard, I’m pretty sure he gave whoever was in the cart with him whiplash.
Man, Cahill can be an absolute maniac. There will be a tKO when Cahill DFL’s, not because he comes in last, but he breaks every club in his bag in a murderous rage and has to withdraw. I CANNOT WAIT TO WATCH THIS.
Glendarin Hills #9 – Par 4 – 362 yards – Handicap #9
tKO Average: 5.15 (+1.15, T-16th hardest for tko participants)
Does anyone else remember when a fucking helicopter landing on this hole like 3 tKO’s ago? It was never explained to me why, but the moment I saw it, I said “What is Shane up to now?”.
Anyway, a very underrated tKO hole. Bombs away off the tee, hit it far enough and you catch the power slot and you’ll end up like 50 yards short of the green. And those extra 50 yards are a huge advantage. I believe is this one of the few (maybe only?) downhill approach shots. Blast your drive and you’ll be on the same level of the green. Leave it short and you have to figure out how much to club down.
Sweet, sweet relief await you as you hit the club house. It’s usually between 10 and 11 am when you hit the turn, which means now you have to decide how hard you are going to booze. The cart girls hunker down on 13, so you have 3 holes to buy for at the clubhouse. This is when you can tell who’s in the fight for something and who’s just trying not to take home the DFL. Did you buy a six pack to split with your cart mate? Or did you decide to take a shot, chase it with a double imperial IPA, and then the six pack, which is just holding you over until #13?