What we’ve all been waiting for…
Glendarin Hills #1 – Par 4 – 370 yards – Handicap #13
tKO Average: 5.35 (+1.35, 11th hardest for tko participants)
Once you’ve wrapped up Nathan’s 8AM aerobic class on the range, it’s time to head over to #1 and win your flight. Following the theme of all of tKO’s opening holes, #1 at Glendarin Hills is no different. Plenty of room to the right and another huge green. The Ian’s of the world can run their drive right up to the edge of the green, but even the little guys shouldn’t have much more than an 8 iron on their approach.
At tKOIX during a torrential downpour, Hart, Mustang Mark, Cahill and I made an absolute clutch par to force a playoff in the scramble. But highlight was definitely Nathan putting out little Nathan (and I don’t mean one of his kids, who were all at the Best Western) and relieving himself in the middle of the fairway. Legend has it that he did it again on #10 during the playoff hole. So remember if you catch it a little fat from the middle of the fairway this year, it’s a little soggy over there.
Would you guys just like me to recap my champion round from tKOX? I’d be happy to. I missed the fairway left here, but Mickelson-esque cut punch to the back of the green. I could do this all day, people.
Glendarin Hills #2 – Par 4 – 370 yards – Handicap #7
tKO Average: 5.52 (+1.52, 8th hardest for tko participants)
Absolutely diabolical hole. Shocked it was only the 8th hardest hole on the course. There’s not a moment of relief. Driver off the tee can reach the lake on the left and the bunkers that are perfectly placed along both sides of the fairway. They’ve cleared out the long stuff way right a little bit over the years, but not so much to leave you with an approach shot from down there. If you manage to thread the needle with your driver, you aren’t even close to being done. The green is back uphill, wraps around a lake on the left, and slopes severely back to front. The smartest play is probably to aim right of the green, taking the water out of play, and hope to make bogey.
I’d say that it’s not very cool of Glen to drop this hole on us so early in the round, but after all the shameful things we’ve done at this course, I can’t really be that upset.
Glendarin Hills #3 – Par 5 – 500 yards – Handicap #1
tKO Average: 6.69 (+1.69, 6th hardest for tko participants)
So you were probably too hungover to properly warm up on the range and you got your ass kicked by the first two holes, but now you are finally getting in a groove. Time to grip it and rip it. The fairway is a mile wide, but even if you miss the fairway huge hills on both sides kind of funnel your ball back into play. You can certainly miss wide of those hills and be fucked (been there, done that), but for the most part, you are free to swing away here.
Your second shot is make or break. The long boyz can probably reach down and get to the green (or close) in two, but that brings the lake on the left and woods on the right into play. Laying up, like it is basically every time, is probably the right move. But fuck that, you’re going for it. And nope, now you’re fucked. Hence the 6.69 average on this hole. No matter what you do, DO NOT MISS THIS GREEN LONG. That is a jail sentence. Another severe back to front sloped green, and you can kiss any chance of keep your ball on the green if you end up over the back.
Bonus: Usually the first sighting of the beverage cart! Let’s get weird, gentlemen!