Couple house cleaning notes:
- tKO Total this year is $470. Let me know if you guys want an itemized receipt for tax purposes. This covers all your golf, (5 star) hotel, (Michelin starred) breakfasts, lunches, late night snacks at Glendarin Hills, and your entry fee. Basically all you have left to pay is your booze and your Taco Bell. I prefer PayPal or Chase QP, but if you need to Venmo or give me an actual check, I can make that work too.
- I currently have 20 spaces held for the practice round at Noble Hawk on Thursday 5/18 at 2PM. Even if you’ve already done it, shoot me an email/text saying if you are in. I need to finalize those counts by the end of April. The practice round is an additional $30, but we’ll just pay that individually at the course.
Cobblestone #4 – Par 3 – 165 yards – Handicap #15
tKO Average: 4.48 (+1.48, 9th hardest for tko participants)
Very similar to #15 at Noble Hawk, this challenging little par 3 demands a long carry over water. However, there’s a huge bail out area left. If you don’t feel like taking dead aim and bringing that water into play, the move here is to play this hole like a short par 4. Bail out to the left, chip up, and two putt. As you can tell by the scoring average, a bogey here gains almost half a stroke on the field. But if you have a huge brassy pair between your legs, take dead aim, and split that pin in half like Robin Hood. The tiny strip of rough between the green and the water tends to be pretty long and damp, and I’ve seen plenty of players escape certain death from getting up and down from there. My dream is for someone’s ball to come to rest half submerged in the water, then the player takes off his shoes in an attempt to do this, but ultimately does this.
Cobblestone #5 – Par 4 – 285 yards – Handicap #13
tKO Average: 5.44 (+1.44, 10th hardest for tko participants)
Cobblestone’s #4 and #5 might as well be an exact replica of Noble Hawk’s #15 and #14 respectively. A short par 4 that you’ll think about trying to drive, like an idiot. Here’s a little tip, I don’t care what the simulator at Dick’s tells, no one (except Ian) in the field drives the ball over 260 yards and that’s with a hardpan fairway that gives you a ton of roll. We all need to stop thinking any of us can pipe our 280-300 yard drives if we catch it right on the screws. We can’t. The right play here, (just like Noble Hawk #14) is to hit a mid iron off the tee and hope you get your approach on the right tier. You DO NOT want to be above the hole on this green.
Most importantly as you walk off the green, please take a moment to pay your respects to our dear friend Putty, who was laid to rest right behind the green. Taken from us far too soon. We’ll always love you. I looked up Mustang Mark’s stat from #5 for the last two years and he’s gone par, bogey, which for the Stang is a net birdie and par. So loyal! He’s like one of those dogs that sleeps by the grave of its master.
Cobblestone #6 – Par 4 – 330 yards – Handicap #17
tKO Average: 5.62 (+1.42, 11th hardest for tko participants)
The infamous train hole has been replicated a number of times at inferior tournaments, once at Chamber’s Bay #16 for the 2015 US Open and again at Royal Troon #11 for the 2016 British Open. Timing so precise, you can set your watch to Northeastern Express rolling down the railway just as you are getting ready to unleash one of those 250 yard moon balls. Rumor has it that OG Brooks is still on that tee waiting for the train to pass.
While I’ve yet to see it, I’d love for someone to recount the time one of their playing partners bounced a ball off the windshield of an oncoming locomotive, I’d put my money on Danny and his left power fade. In fact, the only design flaw on the entire course is not having this hole set up as a mirror image, forcing Danny to line up with his drive aimed on the other side of the railroad tracks.