East Noble Knights – America’s Team

No exaggeration, this is the most excited I’ve ever been to post something. Even more so than when I updated the Player Bio’s page, adding my Bixler Championship from tKOX. In addition to his tireless effort secure additional partners as Vice President of Social Outreach & Sponsorship (more on that to come in the next few weeks), Pete has identified our cause this year and what I can only imagine is the beginning of a lifelong partnership. This is truly his masterpiece.

Pete:

For two grueling days every May, we demand more from ourselves as Hyper-elite golfers. 

We stretch our appetites to the limit so that there’ll be more food to vomit on our brethren on our shuttle ride home. 

We push our tolerance for 90-degree Crown Royale and Johnny Walker and exhaust our limited knowledge of middle-eastern profanity and ethnic slurs so that we can self-deprecate ourselves after 6 putting. 

We tip-toe the line of developing type 2 diabetes by guzzling down mudslides like they were champagne served in the Claret Jug. 

We mainline mild and fire sauce like it’s an IV drip administered after the first and only toothbrush party.   

But as I’ve learned in my short time as a privileged participant and garbage flight main stay, this tournament is so much more.  For some it’s an opportunity to host a family reunion at the Best Western.  Others eye the new business opportunities and promote loved ones burgeoning marketing companies through exclusive apparel endorsements.  Some eye it as a chance to use the skills that have been gained from a life navigating the Potomoc as Captain of a rental boat.  But unlike the final, forbidden cigarette of the weekend that gets extinguished (but is still discovered seconds after arriving home by our significant others), this tournament needs to live on beyond those two days. 

Traditionally success at TKO was measured by having your name etched in the placard of the prestigious RDGC Cup, slipping on the coveted garnet cloth that is the Bixler Blazer for the first time or being approved by a high-school cart girl at Glendarin to follow her on Instagram.  Starting last year though, and thanks to the generous contributions of our participants, we were able to make sizable donation to the Mayor’s Youth Advisory Council in her honor.  In recognition of our efforts, we were presented a proclamation from the Mayor that made the Magna Carta look like a Microsoft paint rendition of the 5th at Noble Hawk, complete with Duck.

This year we have identified a new, worthy recipient of this king’s ransom- The East Noble High School Boys Golf Team.  Through our gracious donation, we will become the official sponsor of this pipeline to the PGA and provide the team with the necessary equipment and apparel to perhaps one-day rise to the ranks of a Kendallville championship golfer.

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In all seriousness, as we grow, and much like last year, it is fun to give back to the community and this will only further legitimize our one and only major.  

Pete is a legend.

So here’s how it will work. Just like last year, we’ll have the post-scramble Glendarin Hills Closest to the Pin Patio Challenge. I’ll try to be coherent for it this year. Half of that pot will go to the winner, the other half going to the East Noble High School golf team. Again, participation will be totally optional, but strongly encouraged. In addition to this, we’ll be adding a new dimension to Saturday morning’s round. Instead of closest to the pin logo balls, there will be a cash prize for each par three during Saturday morning’s round. Yes, this means your tournament fees will go up slightly, but only slightly to keep in line with the current US inflation rate. This also means you will have an opportunity win up $28,291 if you win all 4 Closest to the Pins and make a hole in one on #13! Slightly less ($70) if you only win one Closest to the Pin.

One of the other responsibilities in our new role as unofficial official sponsor of the East Noble High School Golf Knights is to be role models but also to support them during their journey for the Indiana State Title. And the timing could not be more perfect. The Knights have a huge match against rivals Lakeland Lakers (stupid name) on the same day as our practice round also at Noble Hawk! If you aren’t playing in the practice round, please try to meet us at the course by 6PM that Thursday. I’d love to have a huge gallery surrounding the 18th green, as our boys roll in victoriously. Imagine the intimidation factor in the Knights’ favor, as Greg in full knight armor and Marty in East Noble High colored face paint lose their minds behind the 18th green. How can they lose?

We’ve already coordinating a meet-n-greet with the players, as well as a photo op as we present the team with our huge novelty check. There’s not really a meet-n-greet, but we will be taking a picture with the team, we’ve already set that up with the coach who’s extremely excited. Both Pete and a media relations company (who prefers to remain anonymous) are currently working the local media outlets pitching the story. There’s no way we don’t lead the 6pm news that night. Maybe we’ll even get a shout out for former Indiana governor and current VEEP Mike Pence. Or not.

If you or anyone you know is interested in additional donations, feel free to direct them to our community outreach page.

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