tKO WEEK…

First of all… IT’S MOTHER FUCKING THE KENDALLVILLE OPEN WEEK. If you were one of the people stupid enough to risk your job by taking Thursday and Friday off, then that shit is basically 48 hours away. If you aren’t coming until Friday, good luck with that. Time to get fucking pumped, you guys.

Handicaps for the tournament will be locked in on Thursday night and all your scorecards will be adjusted, so it should be relatively easy to follow. Hopefully you all know how the format works, but here’s a quick reminder.

Round 1 (Friday afternoon): Bixler twosomes vs RDGC twosomes in match play. The twosome with the lowest COMBINED SCORE each hole minus any strokes given based off handicaps win’s the hole. Whichever twosome wins the most holes over the round gets 4 points for their total team score. If the teams tie, each team gets 2 points. I’ll pow wow with one person, who I deem the most responsible/intelligent, to make sure everyone foursome knows what they are doing. The scorecards will be marked ahead of time on which holes which gives are given strokes on. REMEMBER TO KEEP YOUR SCORE FOR ALL HOLES, EVEN IF YOU HAVE CLOSED OUT YOUR OPPONENT.

Round 2 (Saturday morning): Two players from each team will be chosen at random to complete each foursome. This round will be a handicap weighted round between the four players in each foursome. The lowest handicap weighted score in the foursome with get 5 points for their team, second will get 3 points, third one point, and last zero points, because you suck. Again, the scorecards will be marked ahead of time to avoid any confusion.

Round 3 (Saturday afternoon): Scramble madness. Each scramble group will be composed of 4 players from their respective teams. For every stroke under par, a point will be awarded to the overall team score. For every stroke over par, a point will be subtracted. EVERY FOURSOME MUST USE A DRIVE AND A PUTT FOR EVERY PLAYER ON BOTH THE FRONT AND THE BACK NINE. We are shotgun starting this round, so for example if you are one of the teams starting on #16, you’ll just have to remember that you have 6 more chances to get everyone’s shots in when you finish with #10 through #15. Again, I will meet with whoever I deem most responsible/intelligent to make sure we’re covered there.

The RDGC v Bixler Match will be decided at the conclusion of the third round and prized will be awarded on the patio along with roughly 6,000 beers.

Round 4 (Sunday afternoon): The foursomes will be flighted, based on their round 1 and 2 scores. The lowest single round for each foursome will win their flight. All along we will all be competing for the RDGC Cup (medal play) and Bixler Blazer (net play) based on rounds 1, 2 and 4, so it’s absolutely mandatory to keep a legit score for all rounds.

Just to remind everyone, here are the on the course rules for the weekend. I off the course THERE ARE NO FUCKING RULES!!! APPLEBEES WILL BURN!

  • Make sure you play your ball all the way to completion on every hole. Yes, we are doing a match play event on Friday and if you are getting smoked, some of those later holes might not count for anything in that match, HOWEVER every hole counts for the Bixler and the RDGC. The moment you pick up your ball and say “just give me an 8.” BOOM, you are DNF-ed.
  • You get one mulligan all weekend. It’s on the first tee box at Cobblestone. No breakfast balls at Glendarrin or Noble Hawk. Don’t like your tee shot? That’s cool, re-tee and hit another one. Just realize you are hitting your third shot.
  • All putts “inside the leather” are good, but remember YOU STILL HAVE TO COUNT THAT STROKE. For example, let’s say you have a par putt, miss it “inside the leather”, and pick it up. You got a bogey on that hole, not a par. Once a putt is good, you can still putt it for practice, but guys, we have 24 people playing, nothing is more important than pace of play, so don’t do that shit when people are waiting.
  • For the sake of time, play everything like a hazard. If you lose your ball off the tee, don’t re-tee. Just drop a ball on the line that it went out of bounds and play from there. Remember, you will be hitting your third shot.
  • Speaking of lost balls, if you are looking for your ball and find three of lost balls before you find yours, that means it’s time to stop looking for your ball. Seriously, I’ll let you borrow some of my balls to finish the round (you’ll have to ask your mom for them though). No one wants to wait around while you say “HEY GUYS, A PROV1!” five times. If you can’t find your ball quickly, you are probably better off dropping one anyway.
  • It’s your responsibility to watch your own ball. Listen, my glasses look like fucking cold bottles, so I understand your struggle, fellow blind golfer. But don’t expect other people to know where your ball is. You can’t find it? Drop one, take your penalty, and move on.
  • Also for the sake of time, if you hit a shitty shot, but didn’t lose it, don’t hit another ball from the same place just for practice. Just hit a better shot on your first try. Practice shots are for the range.
  • If you haven’t noticed, almost everything I’m going to bring up has to do with pace of place. With 24 players, this really is our number one goal. JUST PLAY READY GOLF. Don’t worry about honors on the tee box, who is further out, blah, blah, blah. No one enjoys a 5 hour round of golf, so do everything you can to keep up with the group in front of you.
  • You are responsible for your own score, however it is also your responsibility to keep an eye on everyone in your group’s score. I know that no one we’d invite would be a big enough dick to actually shave strokes, but I’m certain we’ve invited some people who can’t fucking count. So you think so and so got an 8 on a hole, but he says he got a 7. Bring it up. If you need to bring it up every hole, do so. Hopefully he will learn how to count his own strokes. If it continues to be a problem, you can say something to me, but all I can do is say “everyone in your group thinks you are either retarded or a cheating asshole, get your shit together.” This weekend is all about a good time, so pretty please with a cherry on top respect the game, the tournament, and your fellow competitors.
  • Also, PLAY FUCKING FASTER, PEOPLE.
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4 thoughts on “tKO WEEK…

  1. Bauer Power says:

    Just to make sure that I am 100% clear…when I slice my drive out of bounds on that long Par 5 on Noble Hawk with water on the left, I could just drop where it crosses the OB line and take a 1 shot penalty. Correct? Want to be sure that by “play everything”, you mean play everything.

    • Anonymous says:

      I have no idea what hope you are talking about, but yes. If you go OB, just drop on the line you go out on, take a penalty and hit your third shot from there. However that negative thought process doesn’t bode well.

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