Tiger Style

There is only seven days left, what are all of you doing to prepare for the Kendallville Open VII? With the ten day forecast looking a little dicey, I think we should all look towards fourteen time major champion Tiger Woods for inspiration.

No, no, no. That’s not what I’m talking about. This is what I’m talking about.


When it’s raining in Kendallville, I am not going to the range. I’m sitting my ass on the patio and crushing as many Jeremiah Weeds as possible, then going to Taco Bell and doing the same with Mas Locos Tacos, and then going to Applebees and doing it again with frozen strawberry margaritas.


Tiger Woods is ready. Are you?


After Mike C.’s epic performance last year, it’s hard to think he won’t be ready to step it up again this year. Shit, he’s probably still drunk. Mike C. is a hero.


Last year, Kevin snuck under the radar after the scramble and went directly to bed when we got back to the Best Western. While he might be a new guy, that’s the move of grizzled vet. He might not have Tiger’s 280 yard fairway splitting stinger down, but he knows a thing or two about Tiger’s blank stare.


Danny has already claimed that if he wins this year’s Bixler, he’ll rent out Paris Club for the post-party. I’m pretty sure he’s not joking. Anyway, Danny’s training blows Tiger’s training out of the water. Danny’s drinking training is legendary, like Jerry Rice running up mountains carrying tires. Danny is ready. He was born ready.


Reigning champ Marty was so confident in his game by Saturday night last year that he felt like he could get alcohol poisoning and still win the Bixler. And he was right. The defending champ is still the champ until someone knocks him off his throne, which shouldn’t be hard to do since he’s sleeping on it.


I couldn’t find the picture of Austin that I had in mind, but believe me under those shades he’s rocking a straight up Kevin/Tiger-like 1,000 yard stare. I did find this other picture of Austin training…for something…I’m not exactly sure what though.


Austin, Marty, or Mike R, feel free to chime in and explain what the hell is going on here.

Basically one week until game day, I’ll keep checking the weather and doing anti-rain dances every hour on the hour with Jeremy until then.



3 thoughts on “Tiger Style

  1. Robinson says:


  2. Keith Raimondi says:

    Love the Mike C pic but Yosh what is in your hand behind him?

  3. B. Miller says:

    Looks like Tiger got his hands on Kendallville-grade meth. You can’t see it in that pic but Austin is strangling a mole, I just took a pull of Canadian Club to erase the murderous horror, and I’m advising Mike R. to do the same. Explained.

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