Rules Violations!!!!

Commissioner’s Note: We’re officially inside four weeks until the Kendallville Open VII, so things are getting real. My number two, Mike R., wanted to remind everyone that while this is meant to be fun, we all need to make sure we respect the game.

After what transpired to Brendan’s hero Tiger Woods at the Masters this past weekend, the Kendallville Open competition committee held an emergency meeting to discuss past tournaments’ transgressions and their accompanying penalties.  While allowing TV viewers to phone in potential rules violations and reopening the Kendallville Open archives for similar purposes may seem a bit unfair, know this: everything that happens at TKO is property of TKO and is subject to further review AT ALL TIMES (AKA whenever it best suits the Committee).

Here are our findings:

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Culprit: Volcano Mike C, tKOII

Incident:  Breaking club over his knee – while no official video or pictures exist of this infraction, we have one very credible eye witnesses to this moment.  Cart partner Brendan Y was quoted as saying, ‘I thought he was going to stab me with the sharp end!’

Even though this behavior at TKO courses is a strict violation of the Rules of Golf, the committee is held powerless since no official footage exists.

Judgment: WARNING (but let’s be honest, we know he’ll break his clubs over something again).

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Culprit: Bossman, tKOV

Incident: While most of us enjoy the idyllic setting of Kendallville and take in the nature while we stroll those lush fairways, the Bossman himself insists on seeking out and harming innocent creatures.  In this particular incident, poor Mr. Mole was the victim.

Judgment: ala Michael Vick, he is barred forever from owning a mole as a pet.

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Culprit: Danny D, tKOV

Incident:  Shirts-off brawl during scramble round at Glendarrin Hills.  Like most of the weekends of his life, Danny possibly over-consumed some alcohol and unfortunately the inebriation sparked a rage in him that couldn’t be contained (it’s SO unlike an Arab to overreact and be violent).  The ensuing melee just happened to also include Volcano Mike (shocker) and subsequently ended with Danny being thrown down a hill.

Judgment: 10 stroke penalty, retroactive to tKOV.  Ahhh screw it, never mind, he was DFL by 70 strokes anyways.

While these incidents have been the only ones to be officially reviewed so far, keep in mind there are many hours of damaging footage of all of us that can be used against you at any time.

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