Is your significant other one of the chosen few, plucked from obscurity to compete in the most prestigious event in the entire universe? Do you watch him meticulously fold his outfits and clean his clubs on Thursday night? Kiss him goodbye on Friday morning and pray that he either returns with the Bixler Blazer and RDGC Cup or not return at all?
Mostly importantly, is your name Natalie?
Because if it’s not, you are doing your man a disservice. Do you want to know why Rich was able to force extra holes at tKOIV? To stage the most impressive comeback in history since the American victory at Saratoga in the Revolutionary War, when he came back from 10 strokes down going into the final round? Why?! WHY?! Because he has a woman that believes in him, God dammit.
Natalie, you are an angel. No, a saint. Nae, you are OUR saint. The Patron Saint of the Kendallville Open.
I love the updates! I think I look forward to this event as much as Rich does. For one, the hype is awesome and just so entertaining. Second, it makes my man pretty happy. And C, as much as it’s a guys’ weekend away, it’s a girls weekend without (you know what I’m sayin?). Not quite a hall pass, but pretty damn close. Since I’m one of the many spectacular women (and maybe a few men out there, I don’t want to make assumptions) who support our men and agree to the tKO weekend of debauchery, I just ask for one tiny request, an enhancement for the fans…..could you please, pretty please, post more current updates over the course of the weekend, including highlights of big shots, bad behavior, and especially the scores after each round? I know that tKO is all about the talent, but I’d bet money the fan base has grown to at least 5 or 6 people this year, don’t forget about the fans.
Looking forward to a spectacular tournament, and hanging the tKO winner’s jacket in our home.
Let’s go Rich, get in the hole!
From an adoring fan,
Natalie, a.k.a. Rich Bauer’s wife
Natalie, our Saint, your wish is my command. I’ll be doing everything in my power to update the site as much as possible over the weekend, but given Northeast Indiana’s lacking wireless network, I can make no promises. However, the best way to access the most up to date tKO news would be to follow
@theKVilleOpen and @TKONewsNetwork on Twitter. And fellas, step your game up, Natalie checks the site more than most of you. Learn how to post a comment, tweet, or just generally talk some more shit. It makes the weekend more fun for everyone. And, Natalie, even if you aren’t interested, you just got moved to the top of the tKOVII wait list.
And as far as the rest of you so called “loved” ones, you ought to be ashamed of yourselves. I know someone of you look at the Kendallville Open as a weekend to yourself, when you don’t have to watch post-game press conferences or care for us after a day drinking marathon with Shane. You can curl up on the couch and watch the 10 episodes of New Girl stored up on the DVR or go out to a bar without the game on and actually talk to people instead of mindlessly staring at the TV for 3 hours. And maybe, for some of you, that’s all this weekend is for you. Just know, if you are one of those people, your man is coming home a loser. You think he’s out in the middle of nowhere, Indiana to golf, get hammered, chain smoke, and eat tacos for his own good?! NO. He’s out there for you! He’s out there, trying to make something of himself, trying to become a goddamn man! And he needs you! That condescending little pat on the head and “don’t get in too much trouble” warning as he walks out the door isn’t want he needs. You grab him by the collar and you tell him “Go to Kendallville and come back a goddamn champion, because that’s what I deserve! Not some bum hacking it up in the fifth flight! Go out there and make me proud, or go out there and never come home. Now gets to steppin’.”
Now don’t get me wrong, ladies, we appreciate everything you do. We truly are a motley crew. I know there are children, weddings, and trips to see your family to prepare for. And a long weekend right at the beginning of the wedding season is asking a lot. Trust me, this is not to be overlooked. It’s a strong woman that can see this golf outing for it really is. A rite of passage. A Man Maker. A woman that can see her man changing pants five times to find the perfect contrast with his shirt and still love him is more than just a partner, it’s a soul mate. It’s your feminine eye that lets us know that it’s okay to way wear white pants, even if it’s before Memorial Day, and reminds us that our belt should always match our shoes. You see, The Kendallville Open is not just about golf, or trophies, winning or losing. It’s about relationships. A man and his club, his scramble partner, his game, his Jeremiah Weed. But mostly important it’s about a man and his soul, his desire to be victorious, and his animalistic need to provide you with what you deserve.
To the ladies of the Kendallville Open, gone for the weekend, but not forgotten. We thank you in advance for the support you are sure to provide and stoking the fires of competition that burns at the core of each of us. Without you, we’d be in the fifth flight, finishing dead fucking last and shooting 144 in life. Thank you, from the bottom of all our hearts.
Oh yeah…and cell service is going to be pretty spotty in Kendallville, so that’s why we probably won’t get your message or call back. We’ll just see you when we get home…okay….bye.