2 Posts, 1 Cup!

Commissioner’s note:  Officially inside of two weeks before the most glorious weekend of the year and the posts are coming in at a break neck pace.  Make sure you are catching up on anything you might have missed, especially the last episode of tKO NN, as Greg said, I think we learned some important lessons in that one.  Here are the fourth and fifth posts in the guest series.  First, Bryce will give you a peak inside the mind of a tKO virgin.  Next, official tKO Art Director Keith gives a little insight into what we’ve done to build this little golf outing into an international conglomerate.  

Take it away, Bryce….

As I’ve prepared over the past few months to finally get my tKO cherry popped, a series of questions consistently come to mind…

Have I prepared well enough?

Although I fear being a one-pump chump, I feel as though my daily routine of “hitting range balls” will give me the stamina to succeed.  I’d also like to note that I brought home a 72 on my first (and only) round of the year.  It may have been on a par 58 course, but I was still thrilled.

How long will I last?

Not long.  It’s a mental game, and we all know how that goes.  “Sorry, I’m usually better at this”…waa waaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaa.

Will it hurt?

Knowing the types of “pairings” I’ve had in the past, no.  The damp Spring climate that Railroader country will bring leads me to believe that the playing surface will be impeccable.

Broken dreams…yes, it will absolutely break Bambi BallOOn’s heart when Danny decides to leave her at Pole Katz longing for another Kaldian to come sweep her off her feet.  Something tells me he’ll turn over a new leaf and be wooed by someone serving him an Applebee’s Ultimate Trio (with riblets).

Do I use protection?

I typically lean towards no, but considering this is my first time, I purchased a new glove to protect me from blisters.  I feel like that’s a smart play with all the swinging I’ll be doing over the course of the long weekend.

Another concern that comes to mind is being stabbed in the neck by one of Mike C.’s broken clubs…I may or may not be packing a kevlar turtleneck.

Is this something that could last?

That special first time always has so much meaning and promise, but how many others have been there before you?  I might be a naive, hopeless romantic…and I could potentially be heart broken come May 22nd.  But, without risk comes no reward…and you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, blah blah blah.  My hope is to leave my mark and be invited back to perform after my v-card is left somewhere on the Indiana Toll Road.

Here’s to the first time!

Keith, learn these mother fuckers on some branding!!!

A few years ago I was asked to join the boys up in beautiful Kendallville and declined the offer. I thought to my self I shouldn’t go, my golf game sucks and I will not be able to hang with the quality of players that the Godfathers of TKO are. It turns out I DO SUCK! Leading up to TKO IV I was in discussions with the board and we wanted to move this tournament into a legit entity.  To start the brand we needed a logo and I had to go in blind when designing the first logo, as I had not seen the majesty and beauty of  Kendallville Indiana. This year with an updated logo we are able to take the brand into new avenues. I think you will all be pleased with some of the ways in which the board will bring this logo and brand into view this year.

It is my dream to move the Kendallville OpenTM brand  into new avenues in the coming future.

• Get the TKO recognized by the PGA (and LPGA for Jeremy).

• Start a clothing line with the TKO logo emblazoned on it for hipsters such as Brendan to wear at some shitty Old town Schlitz bar.

• TKO wine label or 40 oz bottles of beer for Shane.

• TKO sunblock.  I know you are thinking why sun block but fierce players such as our defending champion need to stay as white and translucent as possible. It helps make his white pants look even whiter when you can see ALL the veins and organs through his skin like a Vietnamese spring roll.

• Baby clothes. With all the offspring popping up all over the TKO landscape, Mike C. can pick up an outfit for his daughter. These clothes will also work for Ben L. and Danny D.

• TKO shovels for Mundelein Mark to dig out the annual subterranean ball and Austin M. to defend himself from pesky varmits.

• TKO Energy drink.  For the energy to sink that last put and win the tournament!!!

The future of the TKO brand is endless and like my golf game there is no place else to go but up!


4 thoughts on “2 Posts, 1 Cup!

  1. Cahill says:

    I’d like to go ahead and place an order for the onesie…don’t worry Keith, you will get used to hearing that term over and over.

  2. Mike says:

    I’d like to go ahead and order the spring rolls, they look fucking delicious!!!

  3. Don’t front, you know you want that tKO Member’s Only jacket. TKONN correspondent Mark Caravello has already put his on order to replace that beat up Mundelin Mustangs letterman’s jacket his rocking.

  4. Jeremy says:

    Damn I look awesome as a chick also.

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