Commissioner’s note: You might have seen that Chad Ocho Cinco was recently named the second most influential person on twitter. #1? Our very own Jeremy W., the mastermind behind @TheKVilleOpen. We were lucky enough to track him down and get his thoughts on this year’s tournament (not limited to 142 characters). With no further ado, I present to you @TheKVilleOpen unplugged….
So you might not know this about me, but I am not that good at golf. I only really participate in the tKO to get out of the house for a couple days. Granted I will probably have to check in every other hole, but I am in a different state so I can get away with pretty much everything.
But my suck-it-tude got me wondering. Who would be the most pissed if they were to lose to me?
This is a count down from 19 (I don’t care man, how’s about we go do some shots off a townie’s stomach at Applebee’s) to 1 (Contemplating quitting golf only after throwing all their clubs in Noble Hawk pond, probably breaking some windows in the clubhouse and being asked to leave the premises).
19. Danny D. – He will be too busy cleaning the stripper glitter off his face and planning the next night’s trip to really care.
18. Bryce K. – Bryce is too nice to care. No seriously TOO nice. Bryce is so nice he though Hitler has good reasons for doing what he did (too soon?).
17. White James – If he didn’t kill someone last year (he choked if you didn’t know, don’t think anyone has said anything about last year’s finish in a while), not much is going to affect him this year.
16. Ian S. – I don’t think he will be sober enough to even know his score.
15. Asian James – I believe these three are actually the same person, I can’t tell
14. Brendan Y. – the difference between any of them. So I am not exactly sure
13. Shane C. – how they would react. I’ve heard Asians are peaceful but I don’t know any authentic ones.
12. Brooks B. – I think we all know the Brenkus fury. I don’t think it discriminates though. We are all subject to it.
11. Rich B. – Quietly went about his business last year to sneak up on the field. I think that is how they described Jeffrey Dahmer. Now thinking about it, maybe I will just make sure to finish one stroke behind him.
10. Indy Mark – Growing up with Mark I learned a couple things: living in Indiana sucks. Okay that is the only thing but it is a big one. Those people only look forward to one thing a year, dominating at tKO. But to show up and get upstaged by a city boy?! Not in his shack (city people – shacks are things country people live in, they are similar to houses just not as nice. At least that what Wikipedia tells me).
9. Mundelein Mark – I am better than Mark at everything else: Better looking, people like me more, can drink more, volleyball and moving on from college. Adding golf to that list would be as bad as living in Muncie, IN. No one wants that.
8. Curtis C. – I don’t know who this is, he looks like he would get pissed though.
7. Ben L. – It might be the final straw of the white man keeping him down.
6. Greg P. – It’s Greg. He flips out about everything. He is just a real nutcase.
5. Austin M. – Little known fact, that mole he hit last year, beat him in a tournament earlier in the year. Yeah, I know.
4. Marty M. – I know he looks civil and very father like. But he has a list, I’ve seen it, of “Bad People.” I don’t know what he does with that list and I don’t want to find out. Anyone of you remember what happened to that Kevin kid, yeah me neither. But his name was crossed off that list.
3. Keith R. – I know what you’re thinking, Keith?! This high? Really?! The guy that tweets absolute non-sense that we could care less about?! Yes, that one. He has 2 goals for tKO, not play in the last flight and beat me. Sorry buddy, neither are going to happen this year. Hopefully you have something else to look forward to until next year. Just don’t have a kid, that will ruin your golf game. Ask #1.
2. Mike R. – I don’t know if you know this about Mike but he is somewhat competitive. That simple fact moves him up this list. Throw in the fact that he would have lost to me, a guy that dominated day in and day out in Mario Kart at the Wellington House. It would bring back too many traumatic memories.
1. Mike C. – I am not buying this whole baby Grace has calmed Mike down. He would absolutely lose his sh@t if he lost to me. There is a good chance we could all be in harm’s way if this were to happen.
So there you have it. This also serves as a rooting interest for everyone else. Who wouldn’t pull for me to take down Mike C. to see what happens next?