Days remaining: 1

This is the last post before shit gets weird. If I did my job correctly, all you guys should have to do on Friday is just show up, crack beers, smoke butts, and golf. Speaking of showing up, here are the important times you need to remember.

Thursday – 7:30PM – Champion’s Dinner at Applebee’s

Friday – 8:00AM – Shotgun start at Cobblestone. Hopefully we’ll be joined by Chairman Dazey again, so try to wrap up your warm up by 7:45AM. There are no rides over to Cobblestone, so you are on your own to get there. I have no idea if Uber exists in Kendallville, but if you plan on getting shitty, I don’t hate this idea.

Friday – 1:45PM – Afternoon shotgun start at Cobblestone. Greg, go ahead and set your alarm now.

Saturday – 6:30AM – Bus leaves Best Western for Glendarin Hills. That shit is leaving right at 6:30AM. Do not miss the bus. We will not be holding it for you.

If you want to keep your Instagram account clean of tKO shenanigans, feel free to log in and post from the official tKO Account (@TheKendallvilleOpen, password: tkonine). At the very least use the #tKOXII hashtag on all your posts so they’ll be easily searchable. I’m toying with the idea of bringing back the highlight reel, but only if we can get enough video and pictures. So document as much as you can. After the tournament, I’ll set up some kind of shared drive so you can upload your footage.

Only one day stands between you and what is surely the highlight of everyone’s year, including you guys getting married and/or having kids this year. The Kendallville Open XII is basically here. You know the rules. You’ve watched the tape on your opponents. You’ve been tracking the forecast relentless and will be prepared for anything.

Let’s go make history.


1 Day until The Kendallville Open XII




It’s Kendallville Open Week, gentlemen, and we’re down to brass tacks. Everything that we can possibly plan has been taken care of. Basically all you need to do is show up and pray for good weather. Speaking of just showing up, here are the room assignments. Switch them up if you feel like it, I don’t care. Just do that after you check into the hotel.

  • The Yoshimoto’s
  • The black guys
  • Robinson & White James
  • Ian & Asian James
  • Kevin & Tall James
  • Cahill & Trey
  • Danny & Dre
  • Caravello & Hart
  • Sutton & Nate & Nate’s family
  • Keith & Rich
  • Shane & Austin
  • Greg & Jeremy
  • Bryce & Marty
  • Aschman & Pete

You can probably check in as early as you want. The practice round boys should be finishing up at Cobblestone around 5pm if you want to swing over there and work on some last minute swing adjustments. Just make sure you are at Applebee’s by 7:30 PM for the Champion’s Dinner, jointly hosted by White James and Kevin.

4 Days until The Kendallville Open XII


And the winner is…




One. Fucking. Week. Seven days. One hundred and sixty six hours. Nine thousand, nine hundred and sixty minutes. Five hundred ninety seven thousand and six hundred second. The countdown is ON.

You guys should all know how this works by now, after all this is the twelve year of the tournament. But just for my own sanity, I’m going to spell out some of the major issues here in case anyone still confused.

  • For rounds one, two, and three, always play your own ball to the completion of the round. You need a legit score for every hole and every round, regardless of if your match was closed out early.
  • You are responsible for keeping your opponent’s score legit, meaning if you think their score on a hole is off, it is up to you to address them about it. Don’t come up to me after the round complaining about it, because I will not hesitate to blow your spot up.
  • Play all OB markers like lateral hazards, so drop your ball on the line it went out of bounds, plus your penalty stroke. You do not need to retee.
  • Unless there’s a designated drop zone, the same is true for water hazards. If your shot does not cross the water, then you do not get to drop on the other side of the hazard (unless there’s a drop zone).
  • Gimmie putts must be in the leather, meaning with the head of your putter in the hole, the entire ball must be inside the grip for you to pick it up. Do not forget to include that stroke in your score for that hole.
  • No breakfast balls, no mulligans, no fluffing your ball up in the rough. Play it all as it lies.
  • For the scramble, you need to use one putt and one drive from everyone on the team on each 9 holes. Not holes #1 – #9 and #10 – #18. Since we’ll be shotgun starting, you need to use them on the first nine holes you play and then again on the second, regardless of what hole you started on.
  • That should basically cover all the strange rules we have for tKO, but for the most part, your standard rules of golf apply. If you run into some kind of weird situation with a drop or lost balls or whatever, discuss it with the rest of your foursome and whatever the majority goes with will decide it.
  • As much as I want to list 40 bullet points on pace of play, I think you guys get it by now. We tee off on Friday morning at 8am and in the afternoon at 1:45pm, so you have 5 hours and 45 mins to play your first round, eat lunch, and warm up for the second. Since we’re at the same course all day on Friday, we really should have plenty of time. As long as everyone keeps pace with the group in front of them, we should be fine, so try to do that.
  • We’ve never run into it before and I don’t expect we will this year (or ever), but just don’t be a dick out there. Keep a legit score, don’t be a dickhead to your fellow tKO-ers, and everything should be gucci.

The scorecards for rounds one, two, and three should be pretty self explanatory, but just in case…


The holes when strokes are given will be marked. Write down the score you got on each hole, not your score with the strokes given applied. Those are just there to make your match score easier to follow. I need the cards to have actual scores on them in case something happens to the Golf Gamebook app. Each match is worth 1 point, halves are worth .5 points.

Your round 3 scorecard will have your handicap for that round, so you’ll need to subtract that from your gross score to determine the flight winners.

Alright, bookmark this page, because I’ll be far to frazzled at tKO to actually answer of your questions.

7 Days until The Kendallville Open XII


Handicaps LOCKED


Alright boys, pencils down. Handicaps are officially locked and loaded for #tKOXII. I’m not going to update the lines on the site, but feel free to check out the match up posts to find out if your opponents played their cards right over the last few weeks. Don’t worry about changing anything on your Golf Gamebook profile, in fact, don’t touch anything there. I’ll make sure everyone’s is correct.

Here’s what I’m listing and why:

  • Index – What’s on Fairway Files
  • 9 hole Cobblestone Handicap – What you’ll use for each of your 9 hole matches on Friday. Don’t worry, all scorecards will be mark appropriately.
  • 18 hole Cobblestone Handicap – For the Bixler
  • 18 hole Glendarin Hills Handicap – Also for Bixler and for the Flight Championships during Round 3 (with the exception of the Final Flight)
  1. Andre – 7.7 / 4 / 8 / 9
  2. White James – 9.1 / 5 / 10 / 11
  3. Nate – 11 / 6 / 12 / 13
  4. Cahill – 11.4 / 6 / 12 / 13
  5. Rich – 11.5 / 6 / 13 /13
  6. Robinson – 11.9 / 6 / 13 / 14
  7. Ben – 12.8 / 7 / 14 / 15
  8. Tall James – 12.9 / 7 / 14 / 15
  9. Yosh – 14.7 / 8 / 16 / 17
  10. Wally – 15.5 / 8 / 17 / 18
  11. Asian James – 15.7 / 9 / 17 / 18
  12. Lloyd – 15.9 / 9 / 17 / 18
  13. Marty – 17.4 / 9 / 19 / 20
  14. Austin – 18 / 10 / 20 / 21
  15. Trey – 18.3 / 10 / 20 / 21
  16. Greg – 19.6 / 11 / 21 / 23
  17. Kevin – 20 / 11 / 22 / 23
  18. Shane – 20.6 / 11 / 22 / 24
  19. Ian – 21 / 11 / 23 / 24
  20. Hart – 23.7 / 13 / 26 / 27
  21. Bryce – 24.6 / 13 / 27 / 29
  22. Aschman – 25.4 / 14 / 28 / 29
  23. Caravello – 26.7 / 15 / 29 / 31
  24. Pete – 28.8 / 16 / 31 / 33
  25. Sutton – 29.8 / 16 / 32 / 35
  26. Jeremy – 31.6 / 17 / 34 / 37
  27. Danny – 37.2 / 20 / 40 / 43
  28. Keith – 42.9 / 23 / 47 / 50

Keep an eye out for posts to pick up a little big over the next two weeks, some important, some not so much. I’m basically just trying not to go crazy looking at the weather.

11 Days until The Kendallville Open XII

1 Days until the 10 day forecast for tKOXII

Not that any of you guys care or will remember any of this, but here’s a quick recap of all the sidegames at #tKOXII


I’ve made the mistake of opening this forum up for questions and won’t be doing that again. I don’t expect any of you to remember this, understand it, or even care, but just for my peace of mind, I wanted to list out all the sidegames going at this year’s tournament.

Individual High Scorer – Each match you play is worth 1 point, so you can win up to 4 points on Friday. Saturday morning flights scoring is 3 points for first, 2 for second, 1 for third, and none for fourth. Hopefully last year’s high scorer (Greg) added some personal touches that memorialized his win to that sweet, sweet Dunlop bag, because unless he repeats, he’ll have to say goodbye at the close of this year’s tournament. If Pete can scare up some more free shit, we’ll throw that in too.

Closest to the Pins – Every par 3 in the first three rounds is a closest to the pin challenge with a sleeve of tKO logo balls up for the winner. As someone with closest to the pin winning logo balls coming out the wahzoo, they make great little collectables. I’m already excited about the ones I’m sure to win this year.

Round 3 Hole In One Challenges – In addition to the logo balls, Saturday morning’s par 3’s will have hole in one prizes, featuring the $28,000 payout on #13 that we’ve never even been remotely close to winning. But at least with the beverage cart parked there and the tunes blaring, it kind of has a 17th at the Waste Management Open feel to it. Greg, do me a favor and jump in the comments with the prizes for the other hole in ones? A flight, clubs, and tv?

Skins – New to tKOXII is the Skins Game. Baked into your tournament entry is a $20 skins buy in, so we have a pot of $560. Half of that we’re giving to charity and the other half will be our skins pot. Skins are won using your handicapped score and must be won outright. We won’t know the value of the skins until the end of Round 3. Given the number of players, there’s probably not going to be many skins won outright, so these things could be worth a decent chunk. I’m going to have to figure this out manually, which is going to be a pain in the ass, so you better like it!

Drive Chip And Putt – Mentioned briefly in an earlier post, here’s Robinson with a few more details:

Drive, Chip & Putt (technically Putt, Drive & Chip in that order but that doesn’t have a good ring to it).  Entry fee for the inaugural DCP competition ($20) was included in your tournament dues, so no additional out of pocket expenses on this one.  Anyone who doesn’t want to participate, too bad, we already have your money and no refunds.

Prizes: 1st place – $140; 2nd place – $100; 3rd place – $40
Charity: $280
Winners determined by cumulative score of all three skills.


Two locations/distances, one putt from each location
Cumulative score (0-6 pts available per putt)
Points awarded based on proximity to hole
Timing – will take place during lunch at Cobblestone, and perhaps after R2 if needed
Two drives at GDH during R3 play (hole 6 & 11)
Measure each drive via cart GPS, only drives in the FW count
Cumulative score (0-6 pts available per drive)
Two balls from GDH patio post scramble
Cumulative score (0-12 pts available per chip)
Points awarded based on proximity to hole – measured by GDH staff dodging our shots


Handicaps lock in on Monday, so this weekend is your last opportunity to go out and ruin your chances of winning the Bixler. Some of the extended forecasts are showing sunny skies and a nice jump in temperatures, but I’ve fallen for that trap before. I won’t start losing sleep over this until we’re inside 10 days, at which point, I won’t sleep again until after tKOXII when I cry myself to sleep.

14 Days until The Kendallville Open XII

4 Days until the 10 day forecast for tKOXII

Round 2 Matchups – Ready… FIGHT


I booked the trip yesterday and my girl Kathy told me they’ve renovated the Best Western both inside and out. Hopefully our hyper-elite signage was preserved. I’m sure it was. One quick note before the round 2 matchups: I’m locking in the handicaps in on 5/7, so you’ll have Cinco De Mayo weekend to squeeze in one more round.

Just like in round 1, Eleven* Pints will get the honor of starting on the 1st hole. And these lines aren’t final.

Holes #1 – 9 (Group A)

  • Asian James (Eleven Pints*) vs Shane +3 (Old Man & The C’s)
  • Jeremy +9 (Eleven Pints*) vs Wally (Old Man & The C’s)

Holes #1 – 9 (Group B)

  • Greg (Eleven Pints*) vs Hart +2 (Totally Irresponsible)
  • Tall James (Eleven Pints*) vs Lloyd +2 (Totally Irresponsible)

Holes #2 – 10 (Group A)

  • White James (The James Gang) vs Marty +4 (The Nice Guys)
  • Pete +5 (The James Gang) vs Murphy (The Nice Guys)

Holes #2 – 10 (Group B)

  • Cahill (The Old Man & The C’s) vs Kevin +5 (Boyz II Glen)
  • Caravello +7 (The Old Man & The C’s) vs Ben (Boyz II Glen)

Holes #3 – 11 (Group A)

  • Nate (Totally Irresponsible) vs Ian +5 (Butt Monsters)
  • Danny +12 (Totally Irresponsible) vs Brendan (Butt Monsters)

Holes #3 – 11 (Group B)

  • Trey (The James Gang) vs Keith +13 (Boyz II Glen)
  • Aschman +7 (The James Gang) vs Robinson (Boyz II Glen)

Holes #4 – 12

  • Andre (Butt Monsters) vs Rich +2 (The Nice Guys)
  • Bryce (Butt Monsters) vs Sutton +2 (The Nice Guys)

Again, you should be able to figure this out, but here are your second nine matches.

Holes #10 – 18 (Group A)

  • Asian James (Eleven Pints*) vs Wally (Old Man & The C’s) – EVEN LINE
  • Jeremy +6 (Eleven Pints*) vs Shane (Old Man & The C’s)

Holes #10 – 18 (Group B)

  • Lloyd (Totally Irresponsible) vs Greg +2 (Eleven Pints*)
  • Mat Hart +6 (Totally Irresponsible) vs Tall James (Eleven Pints*)

Holes #11 – 1 (Group A)

  • White James (The James Gang) vs Murphy +5 (The Nice Guys)
  • Pete +6 (The James Gang) vs Marty (The Nice Guys)

Holes #11 – 1 (Group B)

  • Cahill (Old Man & The C’s) vs Ben +1 (Boyz II Glen)
  • Caravello +3 (Old Man & The C’s) vs Kevin (Boyz II Glen)

Holes #12 – 2 (Group A)

  • Nate (Totally Irresponsible) vs Brendan +2 (Butt Monsters)
  • Danny +9 (Totally Irresponsible) vs Ian (Butt Monsters)

Holes #12 – 2 (Group B)

  • Robinson (Boyz II Glen) vs Trey +4 (The James Gang)
  • Keith +10 (Boyz II Glen) vs Aschman (The James Gang)

Holes #13 – 3

  • Andre (Butt Monsters) vs Sutton +12 (The Nice Guys)
  • Bryce +8 (Butt Monsters) vs Rich (The Nice Guys)

21 Days until The Kendallville Open XII

11 Days until the 10 day forecast for tKOXII

Round 1 – Let’s Get It On

Before I jump into the morning session matchups, huge shoutout to Danny for his big news. In case you missed it, Danny joins Kevin in the Expectant Father Club at this year’s tournament. However, Danny did it like a grizzled vet and his kid isn’t due until the fall, unlike some of you who decided to cut it way, way too close for comfort. Congrats Danny, I’d say I’ll buy you a drink at tKO, but that would make the assumption that there will even be a moment when you don’t already have one in hand.


One month out, L.F.G. Here are your morning session matches and the very, very early lines. Official lines won’t set until May 4th when your playing handicaps are locked in. So if you are sitting on any old scores, make sure they are all in Fairway Files by then. Afternoon session matches come out next Friday.

As defending champs, Eleven Pints* get to start all their Friday rounds on hole #1. I use a very basic formula to come up with the matchups and promise I didn’t play any favorites here. So don’t start bitching to me about what hole you start on or who you are playing with.

Holes #1 – 9 (Group A)

  • White James (The James Gang) vs Greg +6 (Eleven Pints*)
  • Aschman (The James Gang) vs Jeremy +4 (Eleven Pints*)

Holes #1 – 9 (Group B)

  • Asian James (Eleven Pints*) vs Marty +1 (The Nice Guys)
  • Tall James (Eleven Pints*) vs Sutton +9 (The Nice Guys)

Holes #18 – 8 (Group A)

  • Rich (The Nice Guys) vs Wally +2 (Old Man & The C’s)
  • Murphy (The Nice Guys) vs Caravello +4 (Old Man & The C’s)

Holes #18 – 8 (Group B)

  • Robinson (Boyz II Glen) vs Brendan +2 (Butt Monsters)
  • Kevin (Boyz II Glen) vs Bryce +3 (Butt Monsters)

Holes #17 – 7 (Group A)

  • Dre (Butt Monsters) vs Trey +6 (The James Gang)
  • Ian (Butt Monsters) vs Pete +4 (The James Gang)

Holes #17 – 7 (Group B)

  • Cahill (Old Man & The C’s) vs Lloyd +3 (Totally Irresponsible)
  • Shane (Old Man & The C’s) vs Danny +9 (Totally Irresponsible)

Holes #16 – 6

  • Nate (Totally Irresponsible) vs Ben +1 (Boyz II Glen)
  • Hart (Totally Irresponsible) vs Keith +10 (Boyz II Glen)

You probably should be able to figure this out, but here are the matchups for your second match in the Friday morning session.

Holes #10 – 18 (Group A)

  • White James (The James Gang) vs Jeremy +12 (Eleven Pints*)
  • Aschman +2 (The James Gang) vs Greg (Eleven Pints*)

Holes #10 – 18 (Group B)

  • Asian James (Eleven Pints*) vs Sutton +8 (The Nice Guys)
  • Tall James (Eleven Pints*) vs Marty +2 (The Nice Guys)

Holes #9 – 17 (Group A)

  • Rich (The Nice Guys) vs Caravello +8 (Old Man & The C’s)
  • Murphy +2 (The Nice Guys) vs Wally (Old Man & The C’s)

Holes #9 – 17 (Group B)

  • Robinson (Boyz II Glen) vs Bryce +8 (Butt Monsters)
  • Kevin +3 (Boyz II Glen) vs Brendan (Butt Monsters)

Holes #8 – 16 (Group A)

  • Dre (Butt Monsters) vs Pete +11 (The James Gang)
  • Ian +1 (Butt Monsters) vs Trey (The James Gang)

Holes #8 – 16 (Group B)

  • Cahill (Old Man & The C’s) vs Danny +14 (Totally Irresponsible)
  • Shane +2 (Old Man & The C’s) vs Lloyd (Totally Irresponsible)

Holes #7 – 15

  • Nate (Totally Irresponsible) vs Keith +17 (Boyz II Glen)
  • Hart +6 (Totally Irresponsible) vs Ben (Boyz II Glen)

In my very humble opinion, the most intriguing match from the front nine is the Chairman vs his right hand man. Who knows, things might get interesting and we’ll put the future of tKO leadership on the line in this match?

Most intriguing back nine match? It has to be a rematch of Nate vs Keith and his 17 strokes! I’ll need one of them to refresh my memory, but I’m pretty sure Keith took Nate right down to the wire, before Nate closed out the match on the last hole as the storm rolled in. Close second most intriguing is the matchup of the last two Bixler winners. What can I say? I’m an intriguing person.

28 Days until The Kendallville Open XII

18 Days until the 10 day forecast for tKOXII


Yes, we are basically a month away from tKOXII, the tKO that is supposed to save us from our memories of what a disaster tKOXI was. And yes, it snowed earlier this week. And yes, it’s supposed to snow again next week. But not today, goddamnit. Today it is 40+ degrees in Chicago. Today we dream.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t worried about some of these combinations coming together and form something that at least resembles a cohesive unit, but it looks like I might be proven wrong. I’ve calculated the tKO Success Rating (tSR) for each team (RDGC’s + Bixlers + Flight Pints – DFL’s) and Mike R. has created a whole new predictive metric hereby known as The Robinson Unit, which is based on your teams net scoring against par. You’ll have to contact him for his thesis statement on the analytics behind The Robinson Unit, it’s far too complicated a metric to be explained here. All you need to know is the lower, the better.


Nine Eleven Pints* & a Blazer

Asian James, Tall James, Greg, Jeremy

tSR = 12 , Robinson Unit = 296.2

The defending champs and the statistical favorites by every measure, anything short of another championship would be a massive disappointment. I’m torn on how much I love their broke ass logo and how disrespected I am by it.


Boyz II Glen

Robinson, Ben, Kevin, Keith

tSR = 9, Robinson Unit = 308.6

B2G seemingly has it all. A creative genius for uniforms and team names, of which his backup names might have been better than this. The defending Bixler champ. A former champ, looking to prove expansion hasn’t rendered his game a relic. And the current DFL holder, who wants nothing more than to rid himself of that trophy.


Butt Monsters

Dre, Brendan, Ian, Bryce

tSR = 6, Robinson Unit = 304.7

The name might not make any sense to you, but trust me when I say that no team at tKOXII has established the connection that we have. Don’t even ask.


The Nice Guys

Rich, Marty, Austin, Mark S.

tSR = 6, Robinson Unit = 299.1

The only team in the field with two Bixler winners, albeit Marty’s is complete bullshit. Building the team around their incredibly pleasant demeanor only makes sense. Judging from their logo, I’m guessing they won’t play so nice when the competition gets going. But they probably will. They are just so fucking nice.


The Old Man & The C’s

Cahill, Wally, Shane, Caravello

tSR = 4, Robinson Unit = 305.6

I didn’t think anything was going to top Boyz II Glen, but then Old Man & The C’s and their ridiculous logo made their way into my inbox and I was instantly in love. I wasn’t sure what to think of this team when it was initially drawn, now I don’t see how they can lose.

James Gang

The James’ Gang

White James, Trey, Aschman, Pete

tSR = 9 , Robinson Unit = 318.6

Leave it to these guys to have a logo heavily featuring a dildo strapped to a horse’s head. I can’t believe Cahill and Wally weren’t involved in that creative decision last year. I was a little worried about this team’s chemistry at first, but they seem to be taking to each other rather nicely.



Totally Iresponsible

Nate, Lloyd, Mat, Danny

tSR = 7 , Robinson Unit = 317.6

Just imagine how broke-ass this logo would have been if they didn’t have someone with the artistic eye of an architect on the team. Holy shit, what a trainwreck. I love them.

Round 1 Matchups will come out next week, round 2 the week after that. If you are interested in the practice round, let me know ASAP. So far we have:  me, Robinson, Ian, Rich, Asian James, Wally, Keith, Ben, Lloyd, White James and maybe Austin.

Big ups to anyone that’s paid already, for the handful of guys that haven’t, please get me that $452.00 by the end of the month, if not sooner.

Just over a month out. Snow in the forecast for this Sunday. Let’s. Fucking. Go.


35 Days until The Kendallville Open XII

25 Days until the 10 day forecast for tKOXII

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