The Fall Swing…

Gentlemen,

Despite the failure that Bandon Dunes was, I haven’t given up on a fall golf trip, maybe just reigning in my expectations a little. Gotta crawl before you walk and all. So instead of taking on the #1 golf resort in the world on our first shot, we’re just going to take it back to beautiful northeast Indiana this fall.

For our inaugural fall swing, we’ll be heading back to Glendarin Hills in September 23 – 25, 2016. I won’t know the exact format until we know how many people are coming and if we need to accommodate for flight timing, but it likely be 36 on Friday and 36 on Saturday. All rounds to be played at Glendarin Hills.

While there will be some type of game set up, perhaps a Ryder Cup style tournament, there will be nothing to the extent of tKO, this will be an extremely stripped down version of what we do each May. The goal here is mostly just to get out and play a shit load of golf and keep the prices low. Of course eventually the fall swing will become completely out of hand, just like tKO has (we already have the next two story boarded), but for now, we’re still riding with training wheels on. And yes, I realize a second annual golf trip is more than a lot of you guys can handle (aka are allowed to go on), so this won’t be affecting your standing as far as qualification for future Kendallville Opens.

And since this is not Kendallville Open, don’t expect to have the red carpet rolled out for you. This is likely going to require a little more legwork on your end. We won’t be using the Best Western as a home base or for their packages, so we’ll probably be paying individually for golf at the course. 4 rounds of golf will cost between $160 and $190 depending on what format we go with. As far as lodging goes, hotel options are surprisingly sparse, so once we have a hard number, we’ll start looking into Air BnBs and/or VBROs in the Lake James area (5 miles from GDH). Or if you are one of those people with a million hotel points, maybe you can turn some in and get something in town.

As you’ve probably picked up, this could be a bit of a cluster fuck, so I’ll need hard commits by the end of the month. That would be this month. July. I’ve checked with GDH and they only have room for 16 players, so the sooner you hit me up the better the chance you have of securing a spot. I have no idea if we’ll actually take up all those spots, but we obviously can’t go over.

Oh yeah. And my beautiful Bixler Blazer just finished the first step of her personalization process.

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The Hardware Part 2…

tKOX Bixler Champion

I’m sure you guys were waiting with bated breath to read a 10,000 word post recapping my championship run stroke for stroke but all you need to know is that I went into the weekend with a game plan and executed it to absolute perfection. Oh what’s that, you want a sneak peak into the mind of champion and want to know what it was? DOMINATE. Pretty simple really. Coming into the final round with a 2 stroke lead over my archnemesis, Robinson, I knew I wasn’t going to be able to back into the title. A front nine 41 pretty much buried all the competition. Maybe I shouldn’t have let off the gas on the back nine and gone after Marty’s (very sketchy) all time winning margin record of 12 strokes from tKOVI, but being able to treat the final nine holes like a ticker tape parade down the Canyon of Heroes made it all worth it.

And don’t think for a moment that I’ll become complacent after joining the ranks for legends such as Marty, Jeremy, Chris, and Austin. Champions never rest. I have every intention of taking back the Murphy Invitation this summer and becoming the first man to go back to back Bixler and win the mythical double Bixler and RDGC at tKOXI. You’ve been warned. Stay woke.

tKOX RDGC Champion

In the four years Nate has attended tKO, he’s finished 1st, 1st, 1st, and 2nd in the RDGC Cup. Not to mention 3 straight top tens in the final Bixler.  And while Robinson’s run of four straight RDGC’s and five in six years is basically the Celtics of the 60’s, it might be time we start looking at Nate as the Jordan-led Bulls, the gold standard. While three of Robinson’s titles came against fields of 8 or less players, Nathan has forged his legend in the white hot cauldron of at least a 24 man field. Three straight titles against an ever improving field? Hard to argue against that. Sure Robinson, Andre, and Rich made things interesting, but the moment we saw Nathan leading that warm up on the driving range on Glendarin Hills, was it ever in doubt? The man is a machine.

And I’m pretty sure that this is only the beginning of his dynasty. The man plays once a year (at Kendallville), using clubs from a different decade, balls that he pulled out of the lake while fishing, and plays in sneakers and t-shirts. He hasn’t even scratched his full potential. The moment he shows any interest in playing like someone from this millennium, we could be looking margins of victory reaching the double digits. The future is dark for the rest of us.

tKOX DFL Champion ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Look at all those fucking tacos! Is that one for every stroke you lost the DFL by? Kind of like a penalty taco? Brilliant.

Oh Keith, you certainly picked the wrong year to get your name back on the DFL. I’m glad you’re moving out to the burbs, not because this means you’ll actually start practicing, but more importantly, because you’ll need the extra space to house that ridiculous suitcase Shane got for the trophy. When is the house warming party? I need to make sure the DFL is prominently displayed as per custom.

Just as I said to Shane last year (who improved by 27 strokes at tKOX), I hope this serves as a motivator for you, Keith. It pains me to see anyone win(?) the DFL, especially someone so vital to the lifeline of the tKO. Next year, when Greg drunkenly carves your name into the DFL’s base, which is a horribly dangerous move by the way, I want you stand there and watch. You need to go to the place in your soul, and accept the darkness. Embrace it. Use it to light a fire underneath you. And allow the eruptive gas brought onto you by 39 tacos to propel to the top of the leaderboard next year. To infinity … and BEYOND!!

The Hardware Part 1…

While we’re all gathering with loved ones this weekend to celebrate the birth of this fine nation, be sure to take a moment and recognize the six week anniversary of another milestone. I’m obviously referring to the start of the Yoshimoto Dynasty. Wow, you guys, it’s only starting to set in now that my official Bixler Blazer has arrived.  It’s currently at the tailor getting some alterations done, but don’t worry, it will be flooding your Instagram feed very soon.

You may have noticed that I was a bit too overwhelmed after wrapping up the title to handle my duties as commissioner during the award presentation. Shout out to my right-hand man Robinson for stepping up on Saturday evening, but in case you wanted it documented on the website for you to share with everyone this weekend, here’s Part 1 of a long overdue wrap up of the winners.

6th Flight Champ – Jeremy

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Jeremy just keeps adding to his trophy case, well kind of. He didn’t technically add anything to his trophy case this year, since he smashed his pint glass during the award ceremony. I’m not exactly sure what the ruling is for how this affects his quest for the Dinner Party (aka 4 time flight champion), but that doesn’t take away from his back to back Trash Flight wins. I think Jeremy, The Trashman has a nice ring to it.

5th Flight Champ – Chris

Quite the comeback for Chris at tKOX after a very disappointing sophomore slump last year. He wouldn’t let a 15 hour round slow him down, as he held off Mustang Mark to hold on for his first every Flight Championship. Rumor has it that Chris saved his best performance for the late night Applebee’s match between him, Dale the bartender, and the poor soul that was alone at the bar. I hope Chris drank that mudslide from his Flight Champion pint glass.

4th Flight Champ – Trey

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Oh Trey, I’m glad you got to take something home with you that wasn’t covered in vomit. I promise that was in no part some kind of rookie hazing move, or at least it wasn’t planned that way. But maybe it will be. That wait list is getting pretty long, gotta trim the fat somehow, see who really wants it! Closing with a 96 has to feel good, hopefully that cares into the first round of tKOXI… if you get in. GOOSEBUMPS!

3rd Flight Champ – Lloyd

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I know for a fact that Lloyd wasn’t happy with his play through two years at the Kendallville Open, but you have to be happy with a flight class. Look it took Robinson 10 years before he got his first! Plus, a true champion shows his stripes not when he wins with his A game, but how he looks with his C game. And the way your fought through two rounds of having to wearing that absolutely hideous #MoreCowbell gear really proves you have what it takes.

2nd Flight Champ – Asian James

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You can pretty much set your clock to Asian James dominating in round 1, completely collapsing in round 2, and fighting back to win his flight on Saturday morning. If he can ever put it together at Cobblestone, AJ is going to walk away with the blazer. AJ is the only one with 3 flight glasses, one away from the Dinner Party. I might be the Jackie Robinson of the Kendallville Open, but I’m really just standing on AJ’s shoulders here. Asian James, I need you with me at the champion’s dinner table, or else they are going to make me give them all mani pedis.

1st Flight Champ – Brendan

While the Bixler was pretty much wrapped up by the 5th hole on Saturday morning, don’t think we still didn’t have a huge match going on within the flight. White James spent the first half of the round coaching me to the Bixler, and the second half of the round watching the student become the master, as I held both him and Tall James off for the pint. The way I dominated tKOX, I wouldn’t be surprised if you didn’t want me back next year. TOO FUCKING BAD.

Championship Flight Champ – Robinson

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Nine long years (never forget that he skipped tKOIX) in the making, OG Robinson finally secured a flight champion pint glass of his own. The match in the championship flight might not have looked that intense as they strolled up 18 at Noblehawk, but don’t it twisted. Not only did all four guys finish within a stroke of each other, but in winning the flight Robinson gave Nathan all he wanted, falling just one stroke short of the second playoff in tKO history.

Remember, the Dinner Party only counts for tKOV and after. Here is your update on the race for the Dinner Party aka 4 Championship Pints:

3 Pints – Asian James, Jeremy*

2 Pints – Brendan, Greg, Ian, White James, Kevin, Nathan, Indy Mark (retired)

1 Pint – Shane, Cahill, Austin, Robinson, Mustang Mark, Rich, Curt, Mark S., Wally, Tall James, Pete, Chris, Mat, Lloyd, Trey, King George (retired)

0 Pints (DAMN YOU FOR REAL?!?) – Marty, Keith, Danny, Ben, Bryce, Andre

* denotes only in possession of 2 intact flight glasses.

Part 2 of the HARDWARE  and along with a shit load of fire content coming soon.Remain extremely excited.

Happy D.A.D.S. Day!

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Hopefully all you fathers and D.A.D.S. negotiated a peaceful weekend on the couch with a cold one watching the second most grueling golf championship of the year. Perhaps it will provide some of the tension and drama that tKOX lacked (sorry about that, guys!).

Speaking of tKOX, Kevin, Paul Blart, Ben and I were blessed enough to stop by Glendarin Hills en route to Cedar Point for Kevin’s bachelor party (I shit you not) and let’s just say that sparked some interesting conversations. They basically begged us to come back in the fall and destroy their course again. So… what do you guys think? If you think you’d be interested in a mid-October trip to just Glendarin Hills, let me know. Just throwing something out there to see if anyone is actually interested.

In other news, here are the official results from the polls a few weeks back, plus a follow up.

Poll 1 – In shocking upset keeping the same format of Noble Hawk and Cobblestone beat out just playing Cobblestone, 13-9. This is a 1980 Miracle on Ice level upset here. Stunning.

Poll 2 – The 4 man team was a huge success, so we’ll be keeping that next year. The Board is reviewing some possibilities here, so stay tuned for updates!

Poll 3 – In a landslide, the 1 v 1 match rolled over a potential second 2 v 2 match.

Poll 4 – The poll indicated that people were happy with the number of people they played with, but I’m curious if you’d be happy with more variety. Now for the follow up. For the second round 1 v 1 match, would you prefer to play in a foursome with another teammate (like we did this year) thus building the team spirit? Or would you rather play with two people from two completely different teams, thus increasing the variety of players you’ve played it?

Poll 5 – We’re keeping the charity hole in one competition on Saturday night, despite what you 4 savages wanted. In fact, we’re going to blow it wide fucking open. Once Pete has his presentation ready, prepare to be floored. It’s going to be like this:

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Poll 6 – We’ve identified the guilty party for the nine hour round on Saturday morning. I wasn’t there, so I don’t want to pin this one any one individual, but if you were in the Recycle Flight this year you are officially being put in the clock for tKOXII. A second year of slow play from anyone in that flight will result in a yet to be determined penalty, most likely being picking up a round of warm shots of tequila for the entire field. I ain’t no snitch, so I’m not putting anyone’s name out on the street. But you guys know who you are. We’re watching.

 

Site Updates.

This isn’t going to be a particularly interesting post, unless you took home some chips this year, like someone I know, but I finally updated the history page of the site. I’ve partially updated the Player Bios page, however Robinson is making a push for updated profile pictures. I, on the other hand, prefer the pictures from when you were first joined tKO, then we can see how tKO has aged you, like how they do with the presidency.

I’ve also updated the wait list, you’ll notice that a few people have made some submissions for next year already. Just like when you applied for that job at Abercrombie & Fitch in high school, we’re always accepting applications even if there are no openings at the moment. Despite my hardest efforts, Robinson has convinced me to postpone another expansion for tKOXI. While my dreams of having a Friday afternoon cut will eventually be realized, they’ll have to wait at least one more year. But don’t let that deter you from getting someone on the wait list, you never know when 4 guys are going to knock their wives up in the same month and have to miss the next tournament.

You might notice that the field for tKOXI is also listed on the wait list and with the presumed return of Danny next year and if no one else bails, someone might be left out in the cold. Dre and Trey were both incredible additions this year, it’s going to break my heart if we’re forced to bring back Chris’s Wheel of Death again. We’ll burn that bridge when we come to it, but I just wanted to put it out there so no one was blindsided.

Last thing for now, Mat uploaded the pictures from tKOX to a Google+ shared album, because he is legend. I’ve sent everyone an invitation to check them out on Google+, feel free to add pictures you have, commment, etc. This is the methadone that will slowly help you off that post-tKO depression ledge. Enjoy.

 

Hyper-elite golfers,

I just wanted to take a moment to thank everyone for everything you did to make The Kendallville Open X such a resounding success. Despite the lack of competitive tension in the race for the Bixler, I think we can confidently say that this was easily our best showing ever. I believe it was one of Aesop’s fables (shout out to my real Africans and Tall Boyz!) that said it takes a village to raise a child and tKO is no different. Even if it was just showing up, each one of you played an important role in this year’s event.  I’m sure I’m forgetting some of you so please forgive me, but there are a few that deserve some special recognition.

  • Danny – Even when you aren’t at tKO, you manage to ruin everything. I believe it was your shots that caused my third and fourth waves of nausea. Well played, sir.
  • Jeremy – This really was a breakthrough year for the Kendallville Open’s presence on all forms of social media. The twitter game was next level leading into tKO (who can forget this classic?) and stayed strong throughout the weekend. Your roll will only prove to be more vital as our digital reach expands.
  • Trey – Trey gifted the practice round folks with a very classy little gift (not pictured due to WordPress.com standards), which I believe inspired my championship run. When I emailed Cobblestone about things we’ve left behind, they replied with “BTW, we found a golf tee out on the course that was the shape of a naked lady….would that possibly been from someone in your group?” Trey, you might not have taken home as much hardware as you hoped this year, but your mark was obviously made. Not bad, rookie.
  • Keith – Incredible work on our rebranding! If you were lucky enough to take home a long drive or closest to the pin (I have three, NBD), then you got an up close look at the new logo that we’ll be moving to next year. I know you love me bugging you for updated images every year, so I’ll get an early start on it. WHERE IS tKOXI’s logo!??! Congrats on reuniting with the DFL, by the way!
  • Greg – As always, you more than outdid yourself this year as the Transportation Director. Finding the vans after all the buses in Indiana were booked was HUGE. We’ll get on top of booking the buses further in advance next year, especially since I doubt we’ll be allowed to use the vans again. Thanks for that, Cahill.
  • Mat – We’re all really excited to see this year’s photo album. I’m sure your wife won’t mind if you take a few days out of your honeymoon to upload those pictures. Congrats, by the way! There’s never been an unmarried RDGC winner before, so this isn’t just a huge step for you relationship, but it should result in a massive improvement in your golf game.
  • Pete – I hope I’m not burying the lead here, but this is a very important announcement. It’s with great pride that I’d like to reveal Pete’s promotion to the role of Vice President of Community Outreach. Expect a post soon with some of Pete’s idea for next year’s event, trust me, he’s already hard at work in his new position. But huge shout out to Pete for organizing that truly touching proclamation with Councilman Dazey, as well as setting up the $315 donation to the Kendallville Mayor’s Youth Advisory Council on behalf of Mayor Handshoe. Speaking on behalf of the entire tKO board, we’re all very excited to see what you have in store for us.
  • The Board – And last but not least, of course, thank you to all fellow members of the Board, Greg, Shane, Cahill, and Robinson. Every change we make to the Kendallville Open is vetted with excruciating detail. Without fail, they point out details that I’ve missed, make suggestions that I haven’t thought about, and truly are the driving force for what makes this such a hyper-elite event. Without the four of you, I’d only be tKOX Bixler Champion, not tKOX Bixler Champion and Chairman of the Board.

If you haven’t voted already, take a moment to vote before the polls from the last post close this weekend. Once those go final, I’ll let everyone know how things played out and if we’ll be making any of those changes next year. I’ve updated the Player Bios with results from tKOX and once Mat uploads this year’s pictures, I’ll update the history page.

In all seriousness, huge thanks to everyone who attended this year’s event (and Danny). Every one of you was absolutely integral in the success of the weekend, even if it was just not being an asshole about keeping score. The fact that we can bring 28 guys out of the middle of nowhere, Indiana and pull something like tKO off is a testament to the quality of all of you. Even if I would’ve DFL-ed (which I didn’t, I fucking won the whole thing), I still would say that tKOX was far and away the best Kendallville Open we’ve ever had.

That’s all I have for now, but as you know the Kendallville Open never sleeps. You can expect plenty of posts in the offseason, we have some very exciting things in store for the 11. In the meantime, keep grinding out there. Take it from a champion, it takes 9 years and 51 weeks of hard work and determination to dominate for one very special week in May. So get started.

Sincerely,

The Chairman of the Board and tKOX Bixler Champion

Questions, comments, concerns…

We here on the board are always on the lookout for ways to improve our little outing. Now that you’ve had a week to look back a reflect on tKOX, what are you thoughts? What would you like to see changed? Added?
Specifically, please answer the following questions, adding as much detail as you like in the comments. And feel free to add any additional comments/recommendations after.

Expect a much longer, sappy post later, so I’ll keep this one short and sweet. Thanks to everyone for making tKOX such a success. We’ve set the bar pretty high for tKOXI, but there’s no doubt in my mind that we’ll easily clear it.

Thanks.
Sincerely,
tKOX Bixler champion, commissioner, & recipient of official proclamation from the city of Kendallville, Indiana.
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Goin into the final round…

Teams:


RDGC leaderboard:


Bixler leaderboard:


ENHANCE:


Sweet dreams.

tKOX Eve…

Did I just copy and paste this rant about slow play from last year? Perhaps. THAT CHANGES NOTHING. HURRY THE FUCK UP OUT THERE.

  • Your scorecards will be marked, but we’re playing the Augusta tees at Noblehawk, Gold tees at Cobblestone, and Mixed tees at Glendarin Hills.
  • With the exception of the Scramble round on Saturday afternoon, everyone is playing their own ball on every hole for every shot. Even if your team gets closed out during the match play event in round one or two, make sure you finish the round.
  • Play every fucking hole. If you are sucking and about to get a 15 on a hole (Shout out to Danny and Jeremy!), make sure you actually finish it out. The moment you pick up mid-hole and just say give me an 8 is the exact moment when you officially withdrawal from tKOX and I hate you forever.
  • As always, we’re playing gimmies inside the leather. That means if you put your putter head in the hole and your ball is before where you grip starts, the putt is good. You still have to count that stroke, but we can just assume that we’d make it if we tried, which is an incorrect assumption, but whatever.
  • No breakfast balls, no mulligans, not even on the first hole.
  • For the sake of time, play everything like a hazard. If you lose your ball off the tee, don’t re-tee. Just drop a ball on the line that it went out of bounds and play from there. Remember, you will be hitting your third shot.
  • Play that shit as it lies. No adjusting your ball so it has a good lie in the rough. No fucking foot wedges. None of that shit. Have some goddamn pride, will ya?
  • If you are looking for your ball and find three of lost balls before you find yours, that means it’s time to stop looking for your ball. Seriously, I’ll let you borrow some of my balls to finish the round (you’ll have to ask your mom for them though). No one wants to wait around while you say “HEY GUYS, A PROV1!” five times. If you can’t find your ball quickly, you are probably better off dropping one anyway.
  • It’s your responsibility to watch your own ball. Listen, my glasses look like fucking cold bottles, so I understand your struggle, fellow blind golfer. But don’t expect other people to know where your ball is. You can’t find it? Drop one, take your penalty, and move on.
  • Also for the sake of time, if you hit a shitty shot, but didn’t lose it, don’t hit another ball from the same place just for practice. Just hit a better shot on your first try. Practice shots are for the range.
  • You are responsible for your own score. I’m quoting this from last year’s post, but it deserves repeating: It is also your responsibility to keep an eye on everyone in your group’s score. I know that no one we’d invite would be a big enough dick to actually shave strokes, but I’m certain we’ve invited some people who can’t fucking count. So you think so and so got an 8 on a hole, but he says he got a 7. Bring it up. If you need to bring it up every hole, do so. Hopefully he will learn how to count his own strokes. If it continues to be a problem, you can say something to me, but all I can do is say “everyone in your group thinks you are either retarded or a cheating asshole, get your shit together.” This weekend is all about a good time, so pretty please with a cherry on top respect the game, the tournament, and your fellow competitors.
  • We managed to pull the timing of this off last year without any major issues, but by no means does that mean we can lollygag around this year. Please play ready golf. We have 28 fucking guys out there this year, so we need to be even better about pace of play now. If one group is backing up behind you that means everyone is. Don’t waste your time reading your putts from every goddamn angle, you are going to miss it anyway. Don’t take 5 practice swings before your subterraneans. Don’t just sit there in the cart while your partner hits, go to your ball. Just don’t be a fucking idiot. If everyone is playing ready golf, we should have plenty of time to play and relax between rounds. And by relax, I mean drink 100 beers and smoke 1,000 heaters.
  • Danny’s (who would rather go to a wedding than tKOX) picks
    • RDGC – Robinson
    • Bixler – Greg
    • DFL – Keith
    • BMFD – Ben
    • Drunkest – Lloyd

Alright, enough with all that bullshit. The time is finally upon us. Let’s go fucking nuts this weekend. It sounds like we all need it.

Practice round boys, I’ll see you tomorrow. Make sure to bring some cash, because Cahill has about 900 differents bets lined up. If you were dumb enough to go to work tomorrow, God speed. That’s going to be miserable.

 

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