Glendarin Hills #4 – #6

Glendarin Hills #4 – Par 3 – 140 yards – Handicap #15

tKO Average: 4.08 (+1.08, 18th hardest for tko participants)

GDH 4

While #4 isn’t the most exciting hole, it is when the big money starts rolling in. Not only can you win a flat screen TV for acing it (likely scenario), but starting this year, closest to the pin will net you $70 in cold hard cash, which you will spend at the bar immediately following the round. Or Taco Bell. Either way, you won’t have it when you wake up in the morning.

All the par 3s at Glendarin are uphill, but this one is the most drastic. It’s at least an extra club and if the pin is tucked back, you might require some shot shaping to hit it close, which none of us can do. Left and long are both dead, miss it short and it can roll all the way back down the false front. There’s a little bit of room out on the right, but I wouldn’t necessarily call it a bail out. Basically, just hit a perfect shot and you might get out of here with a par.

 

Glendarin Hills #5 – Par 5 – 513 yards – Handicap #5

tKO Average: 7.13 (+2.13, 3rd hardest for tko participants)

GDH 5-1

Here it is, THE MOST FAMOUS HOLE IN GOLF. Fuck Amen Corner, #17 at TPC Sawgrass, #18 at Pebble Beach. Glendarin Hills #5 is all that matters in this world. The hardest of doglegs left, the tee shot here has to be precise. Driver is way too much, unless you are trying to cut the corner, which is generally not even attempted until the scramble, and never successfully. You have to be able to hit it at least 180 yards in order to catch the hill and clear the corner. Anything short of that and you’ll be stuck with a sidehill/downhill lay, and you’ll only be able to advance the ball maybe another 100 yards, that will leave you like a mile away. If you manage to clear the corner, you at least view of what’s going on, not that it makes things any easier. You can try to bust out the 3 wood and reach the green in two (you can’t), but that brings the water on the right into play. The smart play is taking something that will put you just short of the water, but still leave you with a wedge approach. All thanks be to my front nine coach White James, who talked me into this tactic during the championship round last year. No Big Deal, just a birdie (net eagle) that essentially won the Bixler.

But enough with that actual golf bullshit, we all know why this hole is a classic. The. Fucking. Unicorn. I hope we can get to the bottom of this in the comments. While I don’t have video evidence, I feel like the first person I heard of shotgunning a beer off the unicorn’s head was either Mustang Mark or Shane. Either way Mundelein is definitely in the building. Jesus, we shotgunned so many beers off that fucking thing’s face that someone either broke the goddamn horn off or it was removed because we’d started a revolution, leading to this epic twitter back and forth. If you haven’t shotgunned a beer off the ‘corn, then you really haven’t experienced the Kendallville Open. I’m extremely proud of our community outreach efforts, but if we don’t get that goddamn unicorn’s horn back and with a plaque dedicated to The Kendallville Open, then everything I’ve ever done is a failure. It wasn’t until Mike sent me the MS Paint file that I realized the unicorn hole in fact looks like a unicorn. This is some Inception shit. Never tell me Glendarin Hills isn’t the greatest golf course on earth.

When I die, sprinkle my ashes on this hole.

 

Glendarin Hills #6 – Par 4 – 375 yards – Handicap #3

tKO Average: 5.27 (+1.27, 12th hardest for tko participants)

GDH 6

Kind of feel bad for #6, it’s just about impossible to follow up legend like #5. It’s like when Bruno Mars (Eddie) and Beyonce played the halftime show of the Super Bowl and then Coldplay came out. Sure, we all kind of like Coldplay, but not at that moment. That’s how I feel about #6. You probably don’t remember anything about it, maybe that has something to do with the beer you just shotgunned, but it’s not all that bad of a hole.

Straight away par 4, with a bunker than runs down the right side, it’s bombs away. Which is exactly what Ian did the one round we’ve played together at tKOIX. I’ll set the scene. tKOIX, Asian James and Ian are locked up in an epic 1v1 match, Greg is sneakily hanging around, and I’m getting boat raced. It’s the front 9 Long Drive hole, so Asian James and I absolutely unload on our drives. They had to be pushing 245 yards. Mammoth shots. Greg steps up and bashes one. Flew our balls by 40 yards. He’s really feeling himself. And then God himself comes down from Heaven and taps Ian on his shoulder. Ian Goddamn Smith just obliterates the ball. Just based on the sound, I assume Ian pulled a Roy Hobbs and the ball is unraveling. From the tee box, it looks like Ian’s driving the green, but depth perception can be tricky from that far out. We get in the carts, AJ and I get out. Greg drives for another 30-40 yards and stops. Ian drives for another 5 goddamn minutes before finally getting to his ball on the apron of the green. I give him my range finder, so he can shoot the tee box and get an accurate number of that drive. He scopes it, smiles, looks at us, and with a throbbing boner says “360”. Ian Smith, 360 yard drive on #6. The only pro level shot in the history of the Kendallville Open. I believe he made a bogey from there.

Bonus story from tKOIX: I had to call my wife from the bathroom by this tee box, when I was throwing up, because I forgot to set something up on the scoring app and I needed her to get on the computer to fix it. It was at that moment that I realized I had forgotten to call her for the last two days. She was very not happy with me.

Glendarin Hills #1 – #3

What we’ve all been waiting for…

Glendarin Hills #1 – Par 4 – 370 yards – Handicap #13

tKO Average: 5.35 (+1.35, 11th hardest for tko participants)

GDH 1

Once you’ve wrapped up Nathan’s 8AM aerobic class on the range, it’s time to head over to #1 and win your flight. Following the theme of all of tKO’s opening holes, #1 at Glendarin Hills is no different. Plenty of room to the right and another huge green. The Ian’s of the world can run their drive right up to the edge of the green, but even the little guys shouldn’t have much more than an 8 iron on their approach.

At tKOIX during a torrential downpour, Hart, Mustang Mark, Cahill and I made an absolute clutch par to force a playoff in the scramble. But highlight was definitely Nathan putting out little Nathan (and I don’t mean one of his kids, who were all at the Best Western) and relieving himself in the middle of the fairway. Legend has it that he did it again on #10 during the playoff hole. So remember if you catch it a little fat from the middle of the fairway this year, it’s a little soggy over there.

Would you guys just like me to recap my champion round from tKOX? I’d be happy to. I missed the fairway left here, but Mickelson-esque cut punch to the back of the green. I could do this all day, people.

Glendarin Hills #2 – Par 4 – 370 yards – Handicap #7

tKO Average: 5.52 (+1.52, 8th hardest for tko participants)

GDH 2

Absolutely diabolical hole. Shocked it was only the 8th hardest hole on the course. There’s not a moment of relief. Driver off the tee can reach the lake on the left and the bunkers that are perfectly placed along both sides of the fairway. They’ve cleared out the long stuff way right a little bit over the years, but not so much to leave you with an approach shot from down there. If you manage to thread the needle with your driver, you aren’t even close to being done. The green is back uphill, wraps around a lake on the left, and slopes severely back to front. The smartest play is probably to aim right of the green, taking the water out of play, and hope to make bogey.

 

I’d say that it’s not very cool of Glen to drop this hole on us so early in the round, but after all the shameful things we’ve done at this course, I can’t really be that upset.

Glendarin Hills #3 – Par 5 – 500 yards – Handicap #1

tKO Average: 6.69 (+1.69, 6th hardest for tko participants)

GDH 3

So you were probably too hungover to properly warm up on the range and you got your ass kicked by the first two holes, but now you are finally getting in a groove. Time to grip it and rip it. The fairway is a mile wide, but even if you miss the fairway huge hills on both sides kind of funnel your ball back into play. You can certainly miss wide of those hills and be fucked (been there, done that), but for the most part, you are free to swing away here.

Your second shot is make or break. The long boyz can probably reach down and get to the green (or close) in two, but that brings the lake on the left and woods on the right into play. Laying up, like it is basically every time, is probably the right move. But fuck that, you’re going for it. And nope, now you’re fucked. Hence the 6.69 average on this hole. No matter what you do, DO NOT MISS THIS GREEN LONG. That is a jail sentence. Another severe back to front sloped green, and you can kiss any chance of keep your ball on the green if you end up over the back.

Bonus: Usually the first sighting of the beverage cart! Let’s get weird, gentlemen!

Glendarin Hills Preview

25 days left. Glendarin Hills hole by hole breakdown starts tomorrow. But until then, it’s good day to hit the range.

 

GDH Range

Team Names

Couple things before the grand reveal of all the team names.

  • Big shout out to everyone who has already paid. There’s still a handful of guys who haven’t paid yet. If you can get it to me by the end of the month, it would be much appreciated. After that, I’m going to start putting you on blast. Shame, shame, shame.
  • Handicaps will be finalized on May 8th, so whatever you have in Fairway Files that morning is what we’ll be using for tKOXI. I need a couple weeks to make sure I have things setup correctly for our matches and on Golf Gamebook.
  • Speaking of Golf Gamebook, Eddie, Wally, Marty and Cahill are the only people who aren’t on the app right now. Wally has a phone that was built by Alexander Graham Bell himself, so he has an excuse. I’ve already saddled Eddie with Danny, so I don’t want to put too much on him already, however I’d really appreciate if he got on there. Marty and Cahill, are you two out here just to make me miserable? It’s been 3 years already. Download the goddamn app.

Time to meet you competition…

tKO Success Ranking [TSR] = RDGC’s + Bixler’s + Flight Pints – DFL’s

RWTW TKOXI Logo

Roll With The Winners – Andre, Ben, Ian, Bryce

TSR = 1

The early favorites to go back to back and take home the title. While the team name certainly makes sense this year, going with it last year was an awfully bold statement, considering they have no titles and only 2 flights between the entire team (and a pre-expansion DFL). But they got those sweet hats though.


TheNinePints_White

Nine Pints* And a Blazer – Asian James, Tall James, Greg, Jeremy

TSR = 10

Immediately after the draw this was the consensus pick for mostly likely to knock off RWTW. I’ve been on scramble teams with all these guys & each of them bring something to the table. Tall James & Greg can blast it. Jeremy has a speaker & like a typical Asian, AJ has charging station. Bonus points for incredible logo details.

 


 

Robot 1 - Black

Random Team Name Generators – White James, Eddie, Kevin, Danny

TSR = 2 (oof.)

No idea what to expect here. White James & Kevin together again, hopefully with better results than last year. Danny back after a year hiatus. & Eddie. Oh Eddie, you’re in for an interesting weekend. I heard there was a Team Jim Harbaugh’s idea that involved Walmart khakis that got killed. Chemistry issues already?

 


 

WW_Final

Wally & The Whales – Cahill, Wally, Aschman, Pete

TSR = 5

Absolutely fascinating to see how the team dynamic goes here. Will the uber-chill of Wally & Cahill counteract Volcano Cahill? Are there just too many personalities here? As an ex-Tall Boy, I have the utmost faith in Pete to pull this team together, but he’s going to have his hands full.

 


 

image2

Three F Mafia – Fuck Fairway Files – Rich, Lloyd, Marty, Caravello

TSR = 5

And here is my pick to unseat the champs. Probably the most affable dude from each pool all on one team. They’re like a super team of fun to be around dudes, the Golden State Good Dudes. Very excited to see how the rest of the boys do with deciphering Lloyd’s accent, especially after 15 Bud Lights.


Swimteam

Glendarin Hills Swim Team – Nathan, Austin, Shane, Sutton

TSR = 9

These ballsacks were moments away from being Team Dick Hair when the came through with this gem of a team name. And their own highlight reel! GHST is kind of paired off with Nate/Sutton and Shane/Austin, but I don’t see anyway these guys don’t become fast friends. Which means over par score in the scramble.


And saving the best for last….

theMarlboromenThe Marlboro Men – Robinson, Yosh,  Hart, Keith

TSR = 9

Cute names and all, you guys, but there was really never a competition. Just wait until what you see what we have in store for the weekend, that is if you can see us behind a cloud of smoke.

Look for those Glendarin Hills previews to start dropping next week. We’re exactly 4 weeks from D-Day. Time to start getting focused.

Cobblestone #16 – #18

Cobblestone #16 – Par 3 – 158 yards – Handicap #8

tKO Average: 4.25 (+1.25, 16th hardest for tko participants)

CS 16

158 is what’s listed on the scorecard, which I did not let Robinson look at, but it’s almost always longer than that. At least I hope so. Or I should say at least Sutton hopes so. While he’s come closer than anyone at tKO to an in-tournament hole in one when he landed one within 6 inches, it loses a little bit of its luster when you realize he did it with his driver. On a par 3. I repeat a driver. I’m not even sure how we react to a hole in one at tKO with a driver. I imagine that we’d force Mark to buy us the fruitiest drinks on the Applebee’s menu. But shit man, maybe we just ignore it and pretend like it never happened. This is making my brain hurt.

Anyway, it’s a pretty straight forward par 3, plays a little longer than the listed 158 yards. Just don’t hit a driver and you should be fine. Unless you’re Mark and you have to hit driver.

 

Cobblestone #17 – Par 4 – 325 yards – Handicap #16

tKO Average: 5.56 (+1.56, 7th hardest for tko participants)

CS 17

Not really sure how this hole got ranked 7th hardest at Cobblestone, but ok. I suppose that bunker going down the left side of the fairway can cause some issues, but I can’t imagine that so many people end in there to throw off the average. The entire hole plays uphill, so remember to play an extra club on your approach.

 

Cobblestone #18 – Par 5 – 495 yards – Handicap #18

tKO Average: 6.4 (+1.4, 12th hardest for tko participants)

CS 18

The home stretch, just a perfect closing hole. Wide enough off the tee to really step on the gas. If you absolutely bash your drive, it can catch the downhill and leave you with awkward, but short second shot into a super elevated green. Shit, if you hit a decent drive, you might as well go for it in two, you’ll probably land short and end up in the same place you’d be if you lay up anyway. A bunker short right and a massive false front means you better have the distance control zeroed in. Similar to #12, there’s a back drop behind the green, but if your ball gets hung up on the hill, you’ll have a terrifying chip back down the hill that could end up a mile away.

Back in the pre-shotgun start days, there used to be a sizable gallery built up on the hill watching everyone come in. With the sunsetting behind the 18th green, there are few moments on earth as peaceful as walking up to the green, draining your putt for 8 in front of throngs of fans, and knowing you have the meal of your life waiting for you at Applebee’s. God bless, Cobblestone.

Team names, logo, gear…

Just a reminder, get your team names & logos to me by this Friday. Still looking for one or the other from about half the teams.

I’ve had a request to put a feeler out there for any hook ups on team apparel. One team is looking at some places online, but if someone knows someone that does this, we can maybe send them a bunch of business and catch a deal.

Hit the comments if you know anything.

One month out.

Cobblestone #13 – #15

Cobblestone #13 – Par 5 – 532 yards – Handicap #10

tKO Average: 6.04 (+1.04, 18th hardest for tko participants)

CS 13

No surprise here, at +1.04 #13 is the easiest hole at Cobblestone and for my money it’s the easiest hole of the entire weekend. Go ahead and swing out of your shoes on the tee box, you almost have to try to find trouble here. Seriously, it’s wide fucking open. Even Danny can “aim” down the fairway and still realistically expect to find his drive in play. There’s a fairway bunker that’s kind of in play on your second shot, but even then you have to aim for it to find yourself there.

This is the only time I’ll say this all weekend, but it’s reasonable to wait for the green to clear here and go for it in two. I say this because one year I told everyone to go ahead and try to go for all greens in two, because none of us are long enough to reach any of them. And then Cahill almost shattered Keith’s kneecap with his approach from 200+. The best part was Cahill’s unadulterated joy of nearly paralyzing Keith. Cahill is a psychopath.

Cobblestone #14 – Par 4 – 370 yards – Handicap #4

tKO Average: 5.58 (+1.58, 6th hardest for tko participants)

CS 14

#14 probably doesn’t pop into your head when you are thinking of tough holes during tKO, but it’s deceptively hard, hence the 6th hardest scoring hole. With the dogleg left, everyone who plays their driver left to right has a long second shot (assuming you keep your drive in play). Trees down the left side keeps you from trying to cut the corner. You basically have to be able to hit a right to left draw off the tee to get any kind of advantage off the tee. An uphill approach shot leaves most of us on the front edge of the green (hello, 3 putt) or in the bunker front right. They say pros prefer greenside bunkers to just chipping out of the rough. Never has our amatuer status been more apparent than when one of us in is the bunker. Literally anything can happen when a tKO-er lands in any bunker.

You might not think it on the tee box, but bogey is a great score here. Make it through this hole and you are on the homestretch to Applebee’s.

Cobblestone #15 – Par 4 – 324 yards – Handicap #14

tKO Average: 5.37 (+1.37, T14th hardest for tko participants)

CS 15

Fuck this hole. I hate this fucking hole. I absolutely love Cobblestone, the people there are crazy nice, they love having us, there’s a ton of cool holes. It’s the original home of The Kendallville Open. But they have two holes that I absolutely hate. #15 and #2 can eat shit and die. Only because I’m too stupid to play it smartly.

At 324 yards, you should have absolutely no fear on the tee box. Don’t even bother hitting driver, because there’s no real advantage. Hit it left or straight to be honest, and you are dead. Too far right and you’re punching you. A nice little fade (as if any of us can hit that shot (or any shot) on command) is the only play with driver off the tee, but even if you can hit that, the landing spot is tight. 6 iron off the tee and you only have like a 7 iron into the green, if that. But every goddamn year I fuck up the drive and take a double bogey or worse. If you are playing with me at Cobblestone and don’t remind me I wrote this when I undoubtedly pull the driver on #15, then you are not my friend and consider yourself uninvited to tKOXII.

Cobblestone #10 – #12

Big ups to everyone who’s already paid ($470 to my PayPal, Chase QP, or Venmo!). So far we have 7 people in for the practice round: me, Wally, Robinson, Asian James, White James, Lloyd, Austin. Let me know if you are in for that by the end of April. Also, get me those team names & logos by next weekend or else…

Cobblestone #10 – Par 4 – 365 yards – Handicap #6

tKO Average: 5.52 (+1.52, 8th hardest for tko participants)

CS 10

Here we go. The second nine at Cobblestone. You can smell the Applebee’s. You’re almost there.

Despite the huge lake on the right, there’s ways to work around it. After 10 years, I’ve tried them all. If you want to be a pansy, pull an iron off the tee and leave yourself another long iron into the green. At least you’re dry. But we aren’t going to do that. Go ahead and reach in your bag for the big dog. Plenty of room to the left. Yes, it’s the driving range, but if you pick your ball out, you have a pretty open shot at the green. You’ll probably have to avoid the locals pounding away at the range, but no one has that kind of accuracy. The pro move here is to blast is a mile right, like so far right you are on the other side of the lake, in the eleventh fairway. It leaves you a blind approach, but does that really make a difference? I’ll answer that. It doesn’t.

Cobblestone #11 – Par 4 – 390 yards – Handicap #2

tKO Average: 5.73 (+1.73, 2nd hardest for tko participants)

CS 11

This goddamn hole. I’m honestly shocked we don’t average a quadruple bogey here. Since I don’t know have the ability to intentionally hit the ball left, I’ve never tried it. But that’s the move here. Take the water on the right completely out of play. Because it’s some kind of geographic anomaly, you can’t miss this one far enough right to recover, even though it’s a mirror image of #10. It must be the prevailing winds or something. I have no fucking clue. No matter how good of a drive you hit, the second shot still going to be a long one into an uphill green, so take an extra club.

Chances are most of you are out of the running at this point and boozing pretty hard. Since Cobblestone shockingly does NOT have a cart girl, now’s your last chance to pop back into the pro shop and pick up one last sixer. So go ahead and do that before heading over to #12.

Cobblestone #12 – Par 3 – 158 yards – Handicap #12

tKO Average: 4.33 (+1.33, 15th hardest for tko participants)

CS 12

Before we discovered it was possible to shotgun beers off the horn of a unicorn, I always considered #12 to be the signature hole of the Kendallville Open. Back when we started the tournament at Cobblestone on Friday afternoons, #12 was the first hole you saw as you pulled in the parking lot, marking the beginning of the weekend. Even now that we start the tournament and do the practice round at Noble Hawk, I’ll still stop by Cobblestone when I first get to town, and #12 will just take my breath away.

As close as we get to an island green all weekend, distance control is at an absolute premium. Water short, and a severe incline behind the green leaves you with a crazy intimidating downhill chip if you go long. And if you manage to hit the green, it’s not over. Massive tiers all over this green make 3 putts almost a lock.Your boy threw an absolute dart last year (*yawn* another CTP), but the asshole greenskeeper put the pin on a massive ridge line. I walked off with a double bogey, after a smooth four putt, all with Ben laughing hysterically from the tee box. Eat shit, Ben.

Cobblestone #7 – #9

I’m sure you guys have spent as much time obsessing over your team names/logos as Robinson and I have, so the sooner you get them over to me, the better. If I don’t have something by 4/20, you’ll be named by yourself truly. Go team, dick hairs!

Cobblestone #7 – Par 5 – 493 yards – Handicap #9

tKO Average: 6.58 (+1.58, T6th hardest for tko participants)

CS 7

I’ve never actually seen it, but I’m sure some hardo in the comments will say they’ve reached this green in two. And for once, I might actually believe them. The fairway is relatively wide and if you miss it right, you can always punch it down to the end of the first fairway and a chance at reaching the green in regulation. But if you bomb that drive? Green light to go for it. Just don’t top your shot 75 yds and dunk it into the creek.  No pressure.  If my memory serves me correctly, there’s a bunker left of the green, but the back and right sides form a bit of a bowl around the green.

By the 7th at Cobblestone, no one has won the tournament yet, but some of you have certainly already lost it. Despite the 6th hardest tKO hole rating, it’s certainly gettable. Throw down a birdie here and you’re making a huge move on the field. Time to step on the gas.

 

Cobblestone #8 – Par 3 – 185 yards – Handicap #11

tKO Average: 4.37 (+1.37, T14th hardest for tko participants)

CS 8

A long, downhill par 3 with bail out space basically everywhere, everyone should at least have a par putt on this hole. If you don’t have the length to get on the green in reg, play it like the shortest par 4 on earth. Taking anything worse than bogey here is an absolute dagger for your chances, especially with the next few holes you’ll be facing.

Similar to Noble Hawk #12, the tee box on Cobblestone #8 provides a nice little crossroads for a handful of holes. You can usually get a pretty good idea of how all the matches are based on who you see that’s absolutely blacked out by now.

Cobblestone #9 – Par 4 – 375 yards – Handicap #1

tKO Average: 5.67 (+1.67, 3rd hardest for tko participants)

CS 9

I hope you took advantage of the last few holes, cause shit is about to get real. One of the toughest driving holes of the weekend, #9 requires the most precise of tee shots. If you get the power fade like me and 95% of the field, overcook it and your shit is gone. If you happen to be one of those unicorns that hit it straight, you better take the aggressive line, because too straight and you’ll be punching out of the woods. Do you hit a draw? Whelp, sorry.

Many a time I’ve reached the 9th tee box with a plan, then I card a double par. I was going to get a dog and Coors Light at the turn, now I’m making it a double Crown and Coke and a Coors Light. And my tournament is done. I’d pay money (siphoned out of the tKO account) to be able to buy a bogey on this hole and never see it again.

#9 tried its damnedest to derail my championship run last year, I took an 8 here. Spoiler alert: I STILL WON. Just proves that you should never give up on your dreams, kids.

Cobblestone #4 – #6

Couple house cleaning notes:

  • tKO Total this year is $470. Let me know if you guys want an itemized receipt for tax purposes. This covers all your golf, (5 star) hotel, (Michelin starred) breakfasts, lunches, late night snacks at Glendarin Hills, and your entry fee. Basically all you have left to pay is your booze and your Taco Bell. I prefer PayPal or Chase QP, but if you need to Venmo or give me an actual check, I can make that work too. 
  • I currently have 20 spaces held for the practice round at Noble Hawk on Thursday 5/18 at 2PM. Even if you’ve already done it, shoot me an email/text saying if you are in. I need to finalize those counts by the end of April. The practice round is an additional $30, but we’ll just pay that individually at the course. 

Cobblestone #4 – Par 3 – 165 yards – Handicap #15

tKO Average: 4.48 (+1.48, 9th hardest for tko participants)

CS 4Very similar to #15 at Noble Hawk, this challenging little par 3 demands a long carry over water. However, there’s a huge bail out area left. If you don’t feel like taking dead aim and bringing that water into play, the move here is to play this hole like a short par 4. Bail out to the left, chip up, and two putt. As you can tell by the scoring average, a bogey here gains almost half a stroke on the field. But if you have a huge brassy pair between your legs, take dead aim, and split that pin in half like Robin Hood. The tiny strip of rough between the green and the water tends to be pretty long and damp, and I’ve seen plenty of players escape certain death from getting up and down from there. My dream is for someone’s ball to come to rest half submerged in the water, then the player takes off his shoes in an attempt to do this, but ultimately does this.

Cobblestone #5 – Par 4 – 285 yards – Handicap #13

tKO Average: 5.44 (+1.44, 10th hardest for tko participants)

CS 5

Cobblestone’s #4 and #5 might as well be an exact replica of Noble Hawk’s #15 and #14 respectively. A short par 4 that you’ll think about trying to drive, like an idiot. Here’s a little tip, I don’t care what the simulator at Dick’s tells, no one (except Ian) in the field drives the ball over 260 yards and that’s with a hardpan fairway that gives you a ton of roll. We all need to stop thinking any of us can pipe our 280-300 yard drives if we catch it right on the screws. We can’t. The right play here, (just like Noble Hawk #14) is to hit a mid iron off the tee and hope you get your approach on the right tier. You DO NOT want to be above the hole on this green.

Most importantly as you walk off the green, please take a moment to pay your respects to our dear friend Putty, who was laid to rest right behind the green. Taken from us far too soon. We’ll always love you. I looked up Mustang Mark’s stat from #5 for the last two years and he’s gone par, bogey, which for the Stang is a net birdie and par. So loyal! He’s like one of those dogs that sleeps by the grave of its master.

Cobblestone #6 – Par 4 – 330 yards – Handicap #17

tKO Average: 5.62 (+1.42, 11th hardest for tko participants)

CS 6

The infamous train hole has been replicated a number of times at inferior tournaments, once at Chamber’s Bay #16 for the 2015 US Open and again at Royal Troon #11 for the 2016 British Open. Timing so precise, you can set your watch to Northeastern Express rolling down the railway just as you are getting ready to unleash one of those 250 yard moon balls. Rumor has it that OG Brooks is still on that tee waiting for the train to pass.

While I’ve yet to see it, I’d love for someone to recount the time one of their playing partners bounced a ball off the windshield of an oncoming locomotive, I’d put my money on Danny and his left power fade. In fact, the only design flaw on the entire course is not having this hole set up as a mirror image, forcing Danny to line up with his drive aimed on the other side of the railroad tracks.

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