On to the next one…

 

photo (2)

One last time, thanks to everyone involved in making the Kendallville Open VIII such a huge success. And congratulations to all the victors.

Ryde of Die Cup: #TeamThailand (#Blessed)

Flight winners: Nathan, Tall James, Ian, Greg, Kevin, Pete

Best Mother Fucking Dressed: Your truly, but in a close second Linen James

Money Leader: Mike C.

RDGC Cup: Nathan

Bixler Blazer: Chris

I’ve updated the Player Bios, History, and the Wait List pages to reflect the history that was made last weekend. If you have pictures/videos from this weekend, go ahead and send them my way, and I’ll put together an image gallery for the Ocho. Or you can just search Twitter and Instagram for the #tKOCHO hashtag as I’ve been doing for the last week. Not depressed at all.

As I’m sure you all know, the Board is already hard at work stepping things up for the 9, so keep an eye out for updates. We’re going back to the original weekend next year, so go ahead and clear out May 15-17, 2015 on you calendar. Ian, I’d appreciate it if you could talk to the folks over at IRS Shorts and put together some kind of educational video on the timing of conception and sooner rather than later seeing how some of the boys had issues with that last year. And no fucking volleyball for the next year, Shane.

Also, if you haven’t paid (and there are two of you left), I’d love to get that check.

In the meantime, BRACE YO’ SELF FOR THE NINE!!!

BigGunPrint_V2

Let’s Go.

Alright, men. Here’s the last post before shipping out to Kendallville. I hope everyone’s ready.

If you are coming out on Friday, the total cost is $288.90, which includes your lunch on Saturday afternoon at Glendarin. $374.79 if you are coming out on Thursday. And if you haven’t already please either Chase Quick Pay me $75 or just bring $75 in cash to the tournament. This covers your bus ride on Saturday, plus all the awards and prizes for the tournament.

Here are the rooming assignments. Don’t like it? Too fucking bad.

Wally & Brendan

Mike R. & White James

Ian & Asian James

Kevin & Paul Blart Mall Cop

Ben & Danny

Keith & Rich

Mark C. & Mat

Nathan & Mark S.

Jeremy & Greg

Pete & Chris

Marty & Mike C.

Austin & Bryce

Here are the mobile event codes for the Status4 app in case your adoring fans want to watch the drama unfold live. Please try to sign in ON A COMPUTER, NOT YOUR PHONE to accept the invitations. Only one person in each foursome needs to enter in scores per hole, I’ll designate that responsibility to someone. Enter in the following codes on the Live Scoring tab of the phone app to follow the scores live.

Thursday (practice round): 6rax

Friday: syad

Saturday: euju

Sunday: od7b

Speaking of apps and shit, remember to use the #tKOCHO hashtag during the tournament. Service in Kendallville shit (shocker), so using #hashtag will make it a lot easier to follow what’s going on.

If you happen to be a defending champ (Bixler, RDGC, or DFL), don’t forget to bring the trophy. And just as a reminder, the DFL is given to whoever finishes in dead last of the Bixler rankings. Also, Greg, please make sure you child didn’t throw up all over the Whale head cover and bring that along too.

That just about covers it all, I hope you guys are as pumped as I am. Safe travels to everyone on their trips to Mecca and remember to #Pray4Shane.

tKO WEEK…

First of all… IT’S MOTHER FUCKING THE KENDALLVILLE OPEN WEEK. If you were one of the people stupid enough to risk your job by taking Thursday and Friday off, then that shit is basically 48 hours away. If you aren’t coming until Friday, good luck with that. Time to get fucking pumped, you guys.

Handicaps for the tournament will be locked in on Thursday night and all your scorecards will be adjusted, so it should be relatively easy to follow. Hopefully you all know how the format works, but here’s a quick reminder.

Round 1 (Friday afternoon): Bixler twosomes vs RDGC twosomes in match play. The twosome with the lowest COMBINED SCORE each hole minus any strokes given based off handicaps win’s the hole. Whichever twosome wins the most holes over the round gets 4 points for their total team score. If the teams tie, each team gets 2 points. I’ll pow wow with one person, who I deem the most responsible/intelligent, to make sure everyone foursome knows what they are doing. The scorecards will be marked ahead of time on which holes which gives are given strokes on. REMEMBER TO KEEP YOUR SCORE FOR ALL HOLES, EVEN IF YOU HAVE CLOSED OUT YOUR OPPONENT.

Round 2 (Saturday morning): Two players from each team will be chosen at random to complete each foursome. This round will be a handicap weighted round between the four players in each foursome. The lowest handicap weighted score in the foursome with get 5 points for their team, second will get 3 points, third one point, and last zero points, because you suck. Again, the scorecards will be marked ahead of time to avoid any confusion.

Round 3 (Saturday afternoon): Scramble madness. Each scramble group will be composed of 4 players from their respective teams. For every stroke under par, a point will be awarded to the overall team score. For every stroke over par, a point will be subtracted. EVERY FOURSOME MUST USE A DRIVE AND A PUTT FOR EVERY PLAYER ON BOTH THE FRONT AND THE BACK NINE. We are shotgun starting this round, so for example if you are one of the teams starting on #16, you’ll just have to remember that you have 6 more chances to get everyone’s shots in when you finish with #10 through #15. Again, I will meet with whoever I deem most responsible/intelligent to make sure we’re covered there.

The RDGC v Bixler Match will be decided at the conclusion of the third round and prized will be awarded on the patio along with roughly 6,000 beers.

Round 4 (Sunday afternoon): The foursomes will be flighted, based on their round 1 and 2 scores. The lowest single round for each foursome will win their flight. All along we will all be competing for the RDGC Cup (medal play) and Bixler Blazer (net play) based on rounds 1, 2 and 4, so it’s absolutely mandatory to keep a legit score for all rounds.

Just to remind everyone, here are the on the course rules for the weekend. I off the course THERE ARE NO FUCKING RULES!!! APPLEBEES WILL BURN!

  • Make sure you play your ball all the way to completion on every hole. Yes, we are doing a match play event on Friday and if you are getting smoked, some of those later holes might not count for anything in that match, HOWEVER every hole counts for the Bixler and the RDGC. The moment you pick up your ball and say “just give me an 8.” BOOM, you are DNF-ed.
  • You get one mulligan all weekend. It’s on the first tee box at Cobblestone. No breakfast balls at Glendarrin or Noble Hawk. Don’t like your tee shot? That’s cool, re-tee and hit another one. Just realize you are hitting your third shot.
  • All putts “inside the leather” are good, but remember YOU STILL HAVE TO COUNT THAT STROKE. For example, let’s say you have a par putt, miss it “inside the leather”, and pick it up. You got a bogey on that hole, not a par. Once a putt is good, you can still putt it for practice, but guys, we have 24 people playing, nothing is more important than pace of play, so don’t do that shit when people are waiting.
  • For the sake of time, play everything like a hazard. If you lose your ball off the tee, don’t re-tee. Just drop a ball on the line that it went out of bounds and play from there. Remember, you will be hitting your third shot.
  • Speaking of lost balls, if you are looking for your ball and find three of lost balls before you find yours, that means it’s time to stop looking for your ball. Seriously, I’ll let you borrow some of my balls to finish the round (you’ll have to ask your mom for them though). No one wants to wait around while you say “HEY GUYS, A PROV1!” five times. If you can’t find your ball quickly, you are probably better off dropping one anyway.
  • It’s your responsibility to watch your own ball. Listen, my glasses look like fucking cold bottles, so I understand your struggle, fellow blind golfer. But don’t expect other people to know where your ball is. You can’t find it? Drop one, take your penalty, and move on.
  • Also for the sake of time, if you hit a shitty shot, but didn’t lose it, don’t hit another ball from the same place just for practice. Just hit a better shot on your first try. Practice shots are for the range.
  • If you haven’t noticed, almost everything I’m going to bring up has to do with pace of place. With 24 players, this really is our number one goal. JUST PLAY READY GOLF. Don’t worry about honors on the tee box, who is further out, blah, blah, blah. No one enjoys a 5 hour round of golf, so do everything you can to keep up with the group in front of you.
  • You are responsible for your own score, however it is also your responsibility to keep an eye on everyone in your group’s score. I know that no one we’d invite would be a big enough dick to actually shave strokes, but I’m certain we’ve invited some people who can’t fucking count. So you think so and so got an 8 on a hole, but he says he got a 7. Bring it up. If you need to bring it up every hole, do so. Hopefully he will learn how to count his own strokes. If it continues to be a problem, you can say something to me, but all I can do is say “everyone in your group thinks you are either retarded or a cheating asshole, get your shit together.” This weekend is all about a good time, so pretty please with a cherry on top respect the game, the tournament, and your fellow competitors.
  • Also, PLAY FUCKING FASTER, PEOPLE.

Status4

We’re taking a huge step toward our final golf of live broadcasting the Kendallville Open this year. An app called “Status4″ should be able to provide us with a live handicapped scoreboard. It’s available for free on the iTunes app store and on Google Play, so unless you are out here using the Zune (shout out to Kevin) of smartphones, we should all be able to use it, except for old ass Wally and his flip one obviously.

Do me a favor, download this app and register your account using whatever email address I normally use for you. Also, not a bad idea to make your log in name your twitter handle. CROSS BRANDING SON! You should have a pending invitation for tKOCHO. That’s all you’ll have to do for now. The night before round one, I’ll enter in everyone’s official tKO handicap and we should be all set. As long as one person in each foursome enters in everyone’s score as they play a hole, we all should be able to follow the action live and see where we stand. A couple of us tried it out a month ago and it was awesome, until a hail storm moved in and ruined all our cars. But seriously, it’s really kewl. Even your adoring fans back home will be able to follow live with this app.

Here are the event codes to spectate each round. It should keep a running total over all three rounds as well.

Round 1: syad

Round 2: euju

Round 3: od7b

Please note that you’ll also need to keep your scores on the scorecards for the team events. Email me if you have any questions.

Don’t worry, I’ll still have the trusty ol’ spreadsheet to keep scores on, but this is just an added bonus. Want to know what you need to get on the back nine on Sunday to win the Blazer this year? Pull up the scoreboard, pull out the driver on #18 at Noble Hawk, then proceed to rinse it in the lake, card a 9, and finish in 8th place.

Only 10 days out, boys. Don’t bother shitting your pants over the 10 day forecast like I’ve already done twice. It’s a waste of time.

Phew…

Y’all, that was a close one.

Today was supposed to be the first day of tKOCHO, traditionally held the weekend before Memorial Day. What’d it look like out your window this morning?

image

Straight up mizzy in Chicago this morning. How’d it look in the burbs?

image

That’s right. Snow. And Jeremy, it wasn’t just Robinson hating on me for trying to help you guys out. YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE!!!! Own up to it like a man. Next year we’re renaming the teams after Cameron and Ellie.

Anyway, we got two weeks for Mother Nature to get her shit right and raise the temperature about, I don’t know, FIFTY FUCKING DEGREES. In the mean time, this should help everyone get through this Polar Vortex.

Shout out to Ben for finding this gem. That guy is a worse driver than Danny.

I put the finishing touches on somethings this week, like the bus and a few other surprises, so my credit card is on fire. If anyone wants to send me their $75 entry fee over Chase Quick pay, I’m more than happy to take it now. Don’t try to send me that shit over Pay Pal though, just bring cash to tKO instead.

Alright boys, expect a few more posts over the next two weeks. Not having tKONN around this year has been brutal on the content. Quick check of Fairway Files, and it looks like Chris still needs two rounds and Paul Blart needs one. Get on it, boys. Andre is ready to pounce on your spot the moment you guys slip up.

Baby Bixler

Congratulations are in order for reigning the Bixler Champion. He and wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Ellie Grace, last night. Baby and mother are doing great, while Jeremy can finally breathe easily, as it looks like he’ll be able to defend his title. Probably. Maybe. Hopefully. Well, we’ll check back in with him in a week or so to see what it’s looking like.

Also, job well done to Jeremy, Greg, and Lloyd, on the timing of these kids. You guys might have been cutting it close, but it looks like they should all be in the clear for birthdays when tKO IX moves back to its traditional date of the week before Memorial Day next year.

Anyway, I’ve confirmed with the hotel that we’ll have 9 players for the practice round on Thursday afternoon at 2:30PM EASTERN. Here’s the car situation, so you guys can talk amongst yourselves to figure out the details.

Arriving Thursday:

Car 1: Wally & Brendan

Car 2: Asian James, Ian, Mike R

Car 3: Paul Blart, Kevin, Danny

Solo: White James

Our tee time on Friday is at 1:15PM EASTERN. Chicago boys, remember to factor that time change into your scheduling.

Car 1: Keith, Rich, Mustang Mark

Car 2: Ben, Pete, Chris

Car 3: Jeremy, Greg, Bryce

Car 4: FNG Mark, Mat

Solos: Austin, Marty, Mike C, Nathan

If you are upset about the lack of content up on the site this year, blame it on two thirds of tKONN being incapacitated. tKONN, stop being so selfish with your first born sons and ruptured Achilles.

Lunch and practice round

While I’m sure you guys are all deep in strategy sessions with your partners on how to attack Cobblestone, I just wanted to take a quick moment to congratulate Transportation Director Greg on the birth of his baby boy, Cameron. I was going to post a picture, but this isn’t goddamn Facebook. Mother and baby are doing great, so hopefully this means Greg is getting the green light for tKOCHO. Greg actually texted me after the baby was born, and said he was named Kendall and I just about lost my mind. He was joking. NOT FUNNY GREG. Anyway, congrats again, Greg. Now focus on the important things, destroying Mat and Kevin.

I’m still waiting on Marty, Mike C. and Austin to let me know about playing in the practice round, so let me know something by this weekend. If I don’t hear from you, I’ll assume you’re out.

Lastly, the good folks over at Glendarin Hills offered to set us up with a lunch buffet on Saturday, as opposed to us calling in our orders ahead of time. The lunch buffet would include 1 hamburger & 1 hot dog per person and all the fixings, pub chips or chex mix, and homemade pasta salad or macaroni salad as well as iced tea, lemonade, or soda for $11.99. Since we are shotgunning both rounds on Saturday, we should have a little more time to chill out between rounds.

We can either pay this at the course or have it added to the total due at the Best Western when you check in. I’m going to need everyone to sign off on adding the $11.99 to your hotel bill. Other wise, we will just pay it at the course. So speak up in the comments or email me and let me know if you are okay with this added cost.

Round 1 Pairings

You guys, the captains just finished trotting out their respective teams and it was AWESOME. The Ryde or Die Cup is going to be unbelievable. Here are your round one match ups with the stroke allowance based on handicaps of as today.

Match 1 – 1:30PM

Mike R & White James VS Rich & Wally (+9)

Match 2 – 1:38PM

Brendan & Bryce VS Jeremy & Austin (+13)

Match 3 – 1:46PM

Mustang Mark & Greg VS Mat & Kevin (+4)

Match 4 – 1:54PM

Paul Blart Mall Cop & Keith (+19) VS Ian & Mike C

Match 5 – 2:02PM

Asian James & Chris VS Ben & Mark S (+7)

Match 6 – 2:10PM

Marty & Pete (+15) VS Danny & Nate 

Since two thirds of tKONN is currently out with pregnant wives and snapped Achilles tendons, we’ll just have to hope that Jeremy and Mike R. will broadcast a spirited discussion about what went into their decision making process….

You guys, this is going to be incredible. Let the shit talking commence.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 30 other followers