After the unprecedented championship runs by rookie Chris and sophomore Nathan last year, the board was forced to take a closer look at the Kendallville Open’s exemption qualifications. And due to the every growing popularity of the event, we’ve decided that starting with tKOIX, Bixler and RDGC champions will no longer receive a life time exemption, but instead will only be exempt for 5 years.

Past champions will always be welcomed back to Kendallville for ceremonial first shots, like this:

Or this:


But unfortunately, with the potential field growing more and more every year, we just can’t hold your spot forever because you were the blind squirrel that found a nut that one year.  However, that 5 year exemption should give you enough tKO points to secure your spot in the field for the long haul.

Speaking of tKO points, I just want to remind everyone that due to the clusterfuck that was scheduling this year, Bryce, Curt, and Mike R. won’t be hit with negative points for missing tKOIX. However, Curt, you better make sure you make it to tKOX, because some of those young bloods are creeping up on you.

So congrats to Mike R., White James, Nathan, Marty, Jeremy, and Chris. You were the last to receive the golden ticket.

Unrelated: disregard any of those alerts on your phone you might have received about me making birdies today. I was definitely at work (not working) and not at the golf course. We were just doing a test run of the app. And trust me, it’s fucking incredible. So if you haven’t already, download the app and add me as a friend. Also, if you have paid me, I’m definitely still accepting payments in every form possible. Don’t make me put Shane out on you.


Scramble Scoring

So maybe I didn’t plan things out that well and put way too much emphasis on the scramble score with 5 points per stroke. But our self-proclaimed Brain Father straightened things out. As he correctly argued, the scramble is a time for warm Tangueray shots, not golf shots. I took this issue the competition committee, and they struck gold, so shout out to Shane and Mike C., or as Greg pointed out, the Only Mike.

Here’s how scoring for scramble is going to work. Instead of every stroke over/under par being worth 5 points toward your team’s total, the captains will choose point values of 3, 2, or 1 for the opposing foursomes. Each foursome must have a different point value.

For example, team Bixler is down huge, which will almost certainly be the case, and needs to make up points big time going into the scramble. Chris notices that Greg, Jeremy, Lloyd, and Nathan are all already three sheets and have no chance of putting together a respect scramble score. So Chris assigns them the 3 pointer, and prays they shot a +5, or as I like to call it, The Robinson Special. Obviously, Chris will assign my foursome the 1 point per stroke value, so we’re most definitely going -10, leaving the last foursome to play for 2 points per stroke.

Crystal clear? I thought so.

Also, last year’s scoring app went down, so we’re trying a new one this year. Pete, Chris, Ben and I took it out for a test drive last weekend AND IT’S INCREDIBLE. So do me a favor, download this shit. You’ll have to make an account and add me as a Friend on there. You can enter in your handicap from Fairway Files if you want, but you don’t have to. A week before tKOIX I’ll go in and lock everyone’s handicaps in anyway. Seriously, this app is amazing, there’s a smack board so we can send dick pics to each other. And it keeps both the Bixler and RDGC scoreboards so I can’t screw it up with my non-existent Asian math skillz.

Golf Gamebook (iPhone)

Golf Gamebook (Android)

One more thing, there’s actually some kind of league at Cobblestone on Thursday, so the practice round will be at Noblehawk this year. We’re shooting for a 3PM tee time, in case anyone wants to meet us out there.

Alright, we’re officially 6 weeks out. I have no idea how I’m going to handle this.

Draft recap…

Holy shit, that all happened fast.

When we originally set up the draft party idea, I just assumed we’d pick the teams and maybe do the second round random drawings. However, things escalated quickly. Before I knew it, we knocked out both teams and pairings for rounds one and two, plus the scramble groups. Great hustle out of you guys! I’m not going to break down the draft pick by pick, just know that I was the 8th overall pick and if I get paired up with anyone that was picked over me, I will tomahawk a club into your cart, Drunken Ben style.

Without a doubt, the highlights of draft night were Chris looking at Nathan looking to his newly drafted teammates for advice and saying he preferred a Bellicheckian style of leadership. And Nathan having absolutely no idea what Twitter was and asking Jeremy if his tweets would show up on the notepad app on his smart phone. Definitely two different cultures bumping heads here.

The rest of the draft was a huge success, except for when 50% of Team Bixler told me to my face that they could pull of tKO without me. YOU WILL RUE THE DAY.  But here’s the important stuff. Teams, listed in alphabetical order.

Team RDGC Team Bixler
Nathan (Captain) Chris (Captain)
Austin Ben
Brendan Danny
Greg Ian
James, Asian Kevin
Jeremy James, Tall
Keith James, White
Lloyd Mark S.
Mark C. Marty
Mat Pete
Mike C. Shane
Rich Wally

Round 1 Match Ups – Remember, these are handicap weighted, combined score match play rounds. Each match is worth six points towards their team total. Since handicaps aren’t locked in until the week before the tournament, I’ll figure out how many strokes going to whom (I think I used whom correctly there) then. But take a peak over at Fairway Files, if you want to start strategizing. Fairway Files is also extremely useful when trying to procure a Thai girlfriend, according to their banner ads.

Group 1 – Marty & Shane vs Nathan & Keith

Group 2 – Danny & Chris vs Greg & Mark C.

Group 3 – Kevin & Tall James vs Lloyd & Brendan

Group 4 – Pete & Mark S. vs Jeremy & Mike C.

Group 5 – Ben & Wally vs Austin & Asian James

Group 6 – Ian & White James vs Rich & Mat

Round 2 – Again, handicap weighted. Lowest net score is worth five points to their team’s total. Second lowest is worth three, third lowest is worth one, and last is worth zero.

Group 1 – Marty, Kevin, Nathan, Greg

Group 2 – Ian, Tall James, Mat, Asian James

Group 3 – Chris, Wally, Lloyd, Brendan

Group 4 – Ben, Mark S., Austin, Keith

Group 5 – White James, Shane, Mike C., Rich

Group 6 – Danny, Pete, Mark C., Jeremy

Scramble – Each stroke over or under par is worth five points towards your team’s total

Bixler Group 1 Bixler Group 2 Bixler Group 3
Chris Kevin Ben
Marty Danny Ian
Shane White James Tall James
Pete Mark S. Wally
RDGC Group 1 RDGC Group 2 RDGC Group 3
Greg Mike C. Rich
Lloyd Brendan Keith
Nathan Mat Asian James
Jeremy Mark C. Austin

So keep pumping in those fairway files scores (shout out to my 97!), we’re only six weeks away from the start of tKO Week.

Draft Party and Practice Round…

First things first, the official tKO draft party is this Friday at Fairways in Chicago. So be there or I hate you.

Next up, thanks to everyone that’s already paid me. Trust that I’m putting that money to good use. I’ve already received the Flight Champion pint glasses. I’d put a picture up of one, but I’m pretty sure there’s some kind of curse on touching a glass that you haven’t yet won. So if anyone else feels like being a decent guy and wants to pay me now, check out the last post to see all the ways I’ll happily accept your money.

Lastly, if you are interested in playing in this year’s practice round, let me know by Friday. I’ll probably set it up for around 2:30PM on Thursday, May 28th. You can probably just show up and play, but do that at your own risk. I’m not sure when the Indiana Amish Open is this year, so don’t blame me if you can’t get on.

Alright folks, happy ALT+Tab-ing between generic spreadsheets and The Masters for the next two days!

Trying this again.

In order to keep the headaches to a minimum, I’m just going to front the bill for everyone (and collect points on my credit card).  Seriously, this shit has been beyond frustrating, and I think it’ll just be easiest this way. Also, Shane has already volunteered to be my debt collector, so I ain’t worry ’bout nuthin.

So here’s the deal, everyone is going to pay me $427.73, that is $352.73 for you hotel/golf/lunches plus $75.00 for your entry fee. Your entry fee covers all the prizes, trophies, your bus fare for Saturday, and gifts I can squeeze under the budget. Basically, the only expenses not covered will be your booze, Applebees, and Taco Bell. Seriously, if you guys want a breakdown dollar for dollar of what that $75 is going towards, let me know and I’ll post it. I don’t want anyone thinking I’m siphoning money out of the tKO account, which I totally should be doing.

Even though my card won’t be charged for a while, I’d really appreciate it if all of you could pay as soon as possible, just so I don’t have to  have Shane chase you down and kill you. If you are my dad or someone equally ancient, you can also send me a check. Email me if you need my address. Joking, checks are actually preferred, unless you have Chase quick pay. You can use Chase quick pay or Pay Pal to pay, both linked to my Gmail account, but if you Pay Pal, please be sure to send the money as a gift or payment owed, so I don’t have to pay the service fee for each of you. If I need to sign up for some shit like Venmo, let me know. I’m about getting this money by any means possible.

Also, anyone who is interested in playing at Cobblestone on Thursday afternoon, you have until 4/10 to let me know. You’ll pay for that round (~$40) at the course, but I’ll still need to know how many tee times to get. Anyone who doesn’t respond to me via email/text/comments about the practice round by 4/10 will not have a tee time.

CHICAGO HEADS, just a reminder, the tKOIX draft party is next Friday (4/10) at Fairways at 5:30PM, because we are old losers. 

So in closing, send me $427.73 ASAP and let me know if you want in on the Thursday practice round by 4/10. I understand if you can’t do it now, but please, please, please do it before 5/15. Or you’re gonna see Big Worm.

Draft Party…

So we’re hitting pause on the whole payment situation until I can figure out how much the entry fee is going to be. This way you can just pay for everything at once and then all you’ll have to bring money for is booze, which will run you about …. all the money in the world. If you’ve already contacted the Kendallville people and provided your CC info, let me know and I’ll make sure that you aren’t charged and that all your information is sent to that prince in Nigeria that’s been emailing me. Hopefully I’ll have it figured out in the next week, so just stay tuned for that.

Anyway, much more exciting news coming up. And this is just for Chicago-land people, so all you assholes that moved away and left me here, you can eat one.

I’m talking about DRAFT PARTY!!!! We’re about to be like this, fam!

April 10th, 2015 – tKOIX Draft Party – Fairways Chicago

Why’s the draft so early? Because I’m working on big things. Nathan and Chris most likely won’t have a lot of recent rounds of out you guys to base their picks on, but who cares about actual on the course performance, tKO success is all about those good locker room guys. Also, this is the Friday of the Masters and we will be playing Augusta National on the simulator while shotgunning beers, unless they have Glendarin Hills loaded up. The location is actually Ben’s idea, so pair that with his idea to use that scoreboard app last year, and he’s almost worked off his debt for being a drunken idiot during the scramble.

So Chris and Nathan will draft their teams in private with me officiating, and then we’ll announce the teams to the masses. I’m looking for reactions like this out of you guys:

Or this:

So Chicago Suburbanites and/or dads, get that evening blocked off. We’ll probably do it around happy hour, assuming we can reserve it. Let me know if you’re in and we’ll book it.  And if at least one of you out-of-staters doesn’t fly in just for this, I will be extremely disappointed in you.

Pay up…



So the field is set and the Board is well on its way making moves for this year’s event. Like I’ve said a million times before, I always expect the next tKO to be the best yet, and this year is no different. We’re bringing back all of the favorites, such as the party bus to haul our drunk asses home on Saturday night, and adding a few new wrinkles that I’ll unveil when the time is right.

With all that said, I will need one thing from each of you. The good folks over at Kendallville switched up their payment policy this year and we’ll have to provide all of our info ahead of time. Credit card info must be on file with them 2 weeks before tKO, so by 5/15/2015 and we’ll be charged on 5/22/2015. I was going to put it all on my card, but the idea of hunting you all down to pay me back all while $8,000 was chilling on my credit card didn’t seem like such a great idea. So I’m going to need everyone to  fill out this form (GIG Booking Confirmation (00373718-3@xC02C8)) and send it to greatindianagolf@gmail.com or fax it to 260-349-1556. Our confirmation number is 1036 and reserved under my name. You have until May 15th, but please do so earlier for my peace of mind. While we can probably work it out, it would be a huge pain in my ass if someone’s reservation gets cancelled because they didn’t remember to call in credit card info.

It’s $352.73 and this covers golf/carts on Fri/Sat, hotel on Thur/Fri/Sat nights, and our lunches on Fri/Sat. If you’re interested in the practice round on Thursday afternoon, let me know. You’ll just pay for that round at the course, but I’ll still need to reserve the tee times.

So again, send this form (GIG Booking Confirmation (00373718-3@xC02C8))to greatindianagolf@gmail.com  or fax it to 260-349-1556 by May 15th, if not earlier. Our confirmation number is 1036 and reserved under my name.


The field is set…

Ladies and gentlemen,

It’s with a heavy heart that I’d like to announce the official field for The Kendallville Open IX. You’ll notice some tKO legends missing, the triumphant return of a tKO hero, and a fresh face. So with no further ado, here are your challengers:

Brendan, Mike C., Marty, Shane, Ian, Austin, Asian James, Greg, Jeremy, Keith, Mundelien Mark, Rich, White James, Ben, Danny, FNG Mark, Kevin, Wally, Nathan, Mat, Chris, Pete, Kevin James, and introducing Lloyd.

Our thoughts and prayers are with those who will not be able to make it this year. The contingency plan date was always going to cause scheduling issues with Curt, but he vows to be back for the X next year. You’ve been and will be missed, Curt, we can’t wait to see you back on board that train to Crazy Town soon, of course with fifth of Makers in hand. Also missing this year will be Best Mother Fucking Dressed mainstay Bryce. Bryce’s plate has been full (of skiing and legal recreational marijuana) since moving out to Denver. As is the case with Curt, I have every expectation to see Bryce back in beautiful northeast Indiana in 2016. But perhaps the biggest development going into tKOIX is the absence to six time champion Mike R. Mike, the floor is yours…

Statement on The Kendallville Open

For Immediate Release – February 27th, 2015

Right now, I need a lot of work on my game, and to still spend time with the people that are important to me. My play, and scores, are not acceptable for tournament golf. Like I’ve said, I enter a tournament to compete at the highest level, and when I think I’m ready, I’ll be back. I am committed to getting back to the pinnacle of my game. I’d like to play The Kendallville Open—it’s a tournament in the great state of Indiana and it’s very important to me—but I won’t be there this year as my game is not tournament-ready. That’s not fair to anyone. I do, however, expect to be playing again very soon (maybe like one or two rounds in 2015). I want to thank the fans of The Kendallville Open. They are always amazing. I greatly appreciate everyone’s support.

See you at tKOX.

(JK – I got my wife pregnant)

Seriously guys, you gotta start planning these things (kids) out a little better. Mike is confident his second daughter’s birthday won’t conflict with tKO when we move back to our original pre-Memorial Day weekend, so hopefully this will only be a one year absence. However, when the tKO Hall of Fame committee look back at Mike’s resume, this won’t be overlooked.

The silver lining here is that the three openings allowed Pete, Kevin James, and tKO rookie Lloyd into the field. If you need a refresher on Lloyd, I highly recommend looking back at his original application from 2013 (Lloyd – Official TKO Application). There will likely be a more in-depth introduction at a later point, but right now is a time to mourn.

Chris and Nathan, we’ll wait until the ground thaws and the boys can get some rounds in before RDGC v Bixler Cup teams are drafted, but it’s never too soon to start brainstorming some ideas.

Until then, forever in our hearts….


Official Business

After roughly 10,000 emails/phone calls with the good folks over at the Best Western of Kendallville, Indiana, I was finally able to confirm everything. Seriously, that shit was miserable. But we’re all good now.

The Kendallville Open IX – May 29th & 30th, 2015

Friday – 8AM @ Noblehawk & 2PM @ Cobblestone

Saturday – 8:30AM & 3PM @ Glendarin Hills

For the one millionth time, this is the Friday after Memorial Day, so keep that in mind. Also, unless you want to wake up at like 3 in the morning on Friday, you’ll have to come into Kendallville on Thursday night.

Golf/Hotel/Breakfast/Lunch = $352.73. This covers 3 nights in the hotel (Thursday, Friday, and Saturday), all your golf and cart fees, breakfast (if you can call it that) at the Best Western, and lunch on Friday and Saturday. I’ve set up lunch spreads for Friday at Cobblestone and Saturday at Glendarin that are both included in that number. Both rounds on Friday are shotgun starts, so timing shouldn’t be an issue. The Best Western has changed their booking policy and now your cards will be charged 7 days before check in, so this means either you have each have to individually call in your credit card information or I can put my card down for everyone and you’ll just give me that money. I think it’ll be much easier for everyone if I just put my card down and collect money from you, but if you have a problem with that, let me know.

I’m sure some of us will head over early on Thursday for a practice round, but that will be paid for separately and I’ll have to do is let them know how many we have, so I’ll finalize that later on.

Mike R. and I are still trying to figure out some of the details of this year’s tournament, so the exact entry fee has not been decided yet. However, I have already booked the charter bus for Saturday (pick up at 10PM this year!!!!) and the hole in one insurance. But when we have everything figured out, I’ll let you all know the details there.

Since my PC is on its last legs, there won’t be a video invitation this year, so we’re going with the middle school basketball team cuts technique. If you see your name on the list below, you are officially in the tKOIX field. You have until February 28th to accept. If I don’t hear from you by then, I’ll assume you are out and proceed down the waitlist. However, because we’ve had so many issues nailing the date down this year, there will be no penalty points for missing this year’s event. Also, we are 100% going back to our original date of the weekend before Memorial Day for tKOX, the contingency plan is no more. Stop knocking these hoes up! Anyway, on to the cuts (listed in order of tKO score):

  • Brendan
  • Mike R.
  • Mike C.
  • Marty
  • Shane
  • Ian
  • Austin
  • Asian James
  • Greg
  • Jeremy
  • Keith
  • Mustang Mark
  • Rich
  • White James
  • Ben
  • Bryce
  • Danny
  • FNG Mark
  • Kevin
  • Wally
  • Defending Champ Nate
  • Mat
  • Defending Champ Chris
  • Pete

Alright boys, remember RSVP BY FEBRUARY 28TH. Congratulations on your invitation.



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