Don’t expect your invitations for a few months, but the Kendallville Open X is officially on the books for May 20 and 21, 2015. Same format as last year, checking on Thursday night, two full days of competition, and checking out on Sunday morning. Don’t mess with perfection. However, Shane was in town last week and we did run the numbers on buying a house off the 11th fairway at Glendarin Hills. We need to do some feelers on the off-season Air BnB figures first, but don’t be surprised when there is a timeshare sales-esque presentation on Thursday night this year. I REALLY THINK IT’S A GOOD INVESTMENT, YOU GUYS.

So take some time during Thanksgiving dinner and make sure that your beloveds know you won’t be available May 20 and 21. And while a hard confirmation won’t be due until March 1, if you know you won’t be able to make it next year, go ahead and let me know so I can work things out with the guys on the wait list. With the new format, it’s more important than ever before to make sure we nail down the field early. Don’t worry, you’ll find out more about the new format when I’m trying to find content to fill the next 6 months. Be patient, unless you are one of the million people I’ve already told it to.

As I pointed out in the last post, after 3 stagnant years we’re finally blowing it out to 28 competitors for the X. For you assholes who only read these posts in your emails without going to the wait list on the site,  here is who you need to be sizing up for tKOX, listed in order of tKO score. Also, how am I going to get this tournament sponsored if I don’t have the page views?!

Brendan Y.

Mike C.

Mike R.*





White James*



Asian James


Mustang Mark C.






Mark S.






Kevin James





* – Lifetime exemption

** – 5 year exemption


Expansion, my friends. Expansion.

While my goal is to expand large enough that we eventually have a cut on Friday night, even the small steps count. What started with 4 boys, aimlessly wondering through the desert of Northeast Indiana, has grown into a 28 man golf Mecca. The only downfall is that we won’t be able to watch either Pete or Kevin James’ dreams get crushed via live Google Hangout, the way we saw Mat seal Chris’s fate pre-tKOVII. In addition to welcoming back both Pete and Kevin James, tKO vets Brooks and Curt and last year’s Rookie of the Year Lloyd will be making their triumphant returns for the X, along with a mystery entry that has yet to work itself out yet. However, that last spot will be secured one way or another. Now’s also a good time to remind everyone that the wait list application due date is December 1st, so if you have someone in mind, now is the time to get them in, since we’ve depleted the old wait list.

While official invitations won’t go out until early 2016, I don’t expect any of you to do anything stupid, like get married or knock someone up and run into a timing conflict for the X. We’ve already lost Danny, because he wasn’t man enough to put his foot down and demand his bff to reschedule their wedding around tKO. Coward.

I’m not releasing all the details quite yet, but with the expansion means there will be a significant change to the tournament layout. Gone are the days of Team Bixler vs Team RDGC, mostly because whichever team I ended up on always won. Starting with tKOX, we’ll be making the most momentus change to the Kendallville Open since the introduction of the race for the Bixler Blazer. Instead of 2 teams of 14, there will now be 7 teams of 4 competing for the team title. I won’t bore you with all the details now, unless you want me to, in which case I’ll talk to you for hours on end about them. All you need to know is that tKOX will put a huge emphasis on the team dynamic and we are going to need your most up to date handicap index possible. So please be sure to enter in every round you guys play into fairway files. An accurate handicap is paramount to the tournament’s success.

That’s all the news I have for now, but stay tuned in for all your Kendallville Open news.


The Murphy Invitational


Couple things, the Murphy Invitational is this weekend. You can follow all the action live either here or on the Golf Gamebook App (code: 245770). See, aren’t you guys glad I forced you into downloading that app now? All worth it.

Also, make sure you guys enter in your scores on Fairway Files, even if the only time you play is at tKO, I’m talking to YOU, half of tKOX field! And in case you have no idea what you’ve shot in past tKOs, everyone’s scores are posted on the History page. We’re looking to make a couple of big changes to the format for tKOX and we’ll need an updated handicap as possible for everyone.

Lastly, that post about Bandon Dunes in 2017 wasn’t a joke. This is absolutely something we’re going to try to pull off. As is the deal when setting up a trip like this, planning is going to be pretty intense and we’ll need to get the ball rolling pretty early. Like now early. We obviously won’t book anything now, but we should probably start having the discussion about who is interested and when they can go. So if Bandon is something you’d want to do, shoot me an email. And like I said before, this isn’t a tKO exclusive trip. If you know someone that would just want to come along, include them.

Alright, that’s it for now. Enter in your scores, assholes! I’ll post a picture of myself and a shirtless Danny hoisting the Murphy Invitation Cup on Monday. Believe that.


You guys, I have some very bad news. tKOX is cancelled. Or at least the Kendallville Open as we know it is. Because Danny D. officially withdrew this week, due to a “friend’s” wedding. THAT’S NOT EVEN WEDDING SEASON, BRO! Where’s your etiquette? Danny, you are friends with f’ing savages. The whole point of pre-Memorial Day tKO is to avoid this problem. You gotta cut this “friend” loose, Danny. R.I.P. This Guy. IMG_0778So assuming no one else bails (NO ONE ELSE BETTER BAIL), this brings Pete and Tall James back into the fold.  Since they’ve both attended two tKOs, their position on the wait list is based on their own merit, so no more piggy backing on your sponsor’s seniority. If we end up with just one spot for these two guys, TRIAL BY COMBAT!!! Or the ping pong balls. I’m going to vote for Trial By Combat, but I’ll at least take it to the board. So stay tuned you guys. Lastly, we might be 10 months out from the Kendallville Open X, but an event of this magnitude needs some room to breath. Obviously tKOX will take place in Kendallville, IN and will feature the same debauchery that we all know and love (TURNED UP TO LEVEL FUCKING 10), however, I’d like to propose something else. Something to commemorate a decade (ish) of Kendallville Opens. Mike C., we’ve earned this. Mike R., you haven’t, but you are still an OG by default. Oh what’s this? Just Bandon Fucking Dunes. Only the Golf Digest’s number one golf resort for the past fucking forever. No. Big. Deal. I’m thinking February 2017. Why am I bringing this up 19 months in advance? A number of reasons:

  1. So you don’t get anyone pregnant.
  2. Because this trip will not be cheap. Gonna need some time to slowly siphon that money from your better half and/or child’s college fund.
  3. It’s far as fuck. Organizing tKO in Kendallville is hard enough, this is going to be a massive undertaking.
  4. So you don’t get anyone pregnant.
  5. And lastly, so you don’t get anyone pregnant.

Since Bandon Dunes is kind of a once in a lifetime kind of deal, this won’t be a tKO exclusive trip. Do you have a friend/family member that would be interested and don’t like quite enough to invite them to the real tKO? Let them know. Unfortunately, this will be a pretty serious golf trip, no blacking out and swimming in the water hazards, so I know this won’t be for everyone. However, if it’s something you’d be interested in, let me know.

The Hardware Chapter 2…

Austin, Nate, and (to a much lesser extent) Shane weren’t the only guys bringing home trophies at tKOIX.  This year’s competitions for flight glasses and staying clear of Chris’s Trash Flight were more fierce than ever before. Shout out to these guys!

5th Flight Champ – Jeremy

tKOIX 246

Jeremy might be our most decorated tKO-er of all time, taking home his second flight glass this year, to go with the tKOVI Bixler Blazer. He somehow managed to fight off a late charge from none other than Danny (?!?!?!) to hold on, despite putting up 19 on #15. I guess Danny putting up a 16 on the same hole didn’t really help. Jesus, a 19?!?!? That’s just kind of setting in now. Jeremy, you might have to give that pint class up.

4th Flight Champ – Mat

tKOIX 231

BRUH, Mat beat the brakes off everyone in the fourth flight, dropping a 94 and cruising to a flight championship by 8 strokes. I believe that was Mat’s best round in tKO history by a whopping 6 strokes. However, that kind of makes me think he’s just been sandbagging for 3 years. 94 at Glendarin would’ve been good enough to win the tie for the second flight chip. I hope this means big things out of you next year, Mat.

3rd Flight Champ – Wally

tKOIX 224It wasn’t quite the cake walk that Mat had, but Wally’s winning margin of 7 strokes is still pretty damn impressive. Wally flies in every year from half way across the world for the Kendallville Open, and I’m happy to finally see him leave with something to show for his efforts. And good thing the scramble round was in the afternoon, but Ben, Ian, and Tall James basically killed him. Not cool guys, that’s my dad! Sike, get him wasted.

2nd Flight Champ – Asian James

tKOIX 227

I had a front row seat to this battle, and let me tell you, it was RIVETING. That car ride back to Michigan with AJ and Ian had to be awkward, because they were straight up rooting against each for the whole back nine. Ian refusing to help look for AJ’s ball, Asian James openly cheering when Ian’s shot ending up in the lake on #16. It all came down to the 18th hole, Ian was down one and after another thunderous drive and approach, he’d reach the green in two. Asian James, taking the Zach Johnson approach, had made it there in regulation, and was looking at a likely par. It was basically exactly like the 72nd hole at the US Open. Ian had one putt to win and two putts to tie. BOOM THREE PUTT.  Asian James might have completely fallen apart after a round 1 lead, but he held on here to win his second flight glass.

1st Flight  – Mike C.

tKOIX 238 tKOIX 236 tKOIX 235 tKOIX 234

Legend status achieved. Look at this man! That’s a man who’s suffered through nine years of unrequited tKO love. Can you believe that this is the first trophy Mike has ever taken home from Kendallville? Well technically he never took the flight glass home, I ended up picking it up the next day when I stopped by Glendarin Hills to make sure we weren’t banned for life. Semantics. Congrats, Mike. You earned it.

Championship Flight – Rich


Always the bride’s maid, Rich finally made it happen at tKOIX. While Saturday morning might have been a coronation for Nate, Rich was busy setting that course on fire. Not only did his 81 at Glendarin Hills win the Championship flight, it also set a tKO Glendarin Hills course record and nearly passed Austin for the Bixler Blazer as he stumbled to the finish line. Unfortunately, a bogey on 18 ended that dream, and while it wasn’t the Blazer, hopefully the pint glass cushioned his fall a little. But probably not.

I believe we started passing out flight champ glasses at tKOV, so if you won one before then, too bad. That’s some pre-merger Cleveland Browns shit, no one cares. We need to start bringing them to Glendarin Hills and drinking pints of Fireball out of them. In fact, that rule was just put into place. If you’ve ever won a flight glass, bring it to tKOX and drink a pint of Fireball out of it. And then die on the bus ride home. I’m not even taking that one to the Board, just because I know it would pass unanimously. So here’s an update on the race for the Dinner Party aka 4 flight glasses.

2 – Ian, Asian James, Greg, Jeremy, White James, Indy Mark (retired), Kevin, Nathan

1 – Brendan, Mike C., Shane, Austin, Mustang Mark, Rich, Curt, Mark S., Mat, Wally, King George (retired), Pete, Tall James

0 – Mike R., Brooks (retired), Marty, Keith, Ben, Bryce, Danny, Chris, Lloyd

Be careful out there, folks…

First of all I want to make one thing clear: I love Shane dearly. I think of him as one of my closest friends, not to mention a Toothbrush Party brother for life and all around inspiration. So it’s with the utmost respect that I say this: Do not pull a fucking Shane this off season.

Look, if a world case athlete like Shane can tumble all the way to DFL after an Achilles injury, what hell his going to happen to some scrawny bum like Rors? Forget about his chances at the British, he needs to worry about the rest of his career. And I’m not just talking about physically. Do you remember Shane’s attitude when he realized he was playing in the Trash Flight (Chris’s words, not mine) on Friday night? Complete and total devastation. Do you remember his face between rounds on Saturday when he’d sealed his fate and “won” DLF? Here, I’ll remind you…

tKOIX 151

Bro… Shane did not talk to anyone for like 2 hours. He just sat there on his phone, looking for earlier flights home. It was hard to watch. If I could figure out how to overlay music on this site, I would put that Sarah McLachlan song with the dead dogs on this post.

So guys, I’m just saying to be careful out there this summer. Maybe you can risk it, get hurt, and rehab yourself back to full strength in time for the B1G. But are you really willing to open yourself up to that? Look at Shane, god damn it. LOOK AT HIM.

tKOIX 214


And Shane, use this post as some motivation. I remember the Shane from tKOVI that won our flight. And the Shane from tKOVII that posted a career low 88 on Sunday when all the chips were on the line. You’re a Board member and a two time flight winner. Prove to all of us that that player isn’t gone forever.

Survive and Advance….

Ladies and Gentlemen,

Some time has passed and the emotional wounds are healed enough that I am finally ready to revisit the Kendallville Open IX. I say this every year, but far and away our best one yet. I can’t thank everyone enough for the roles they played in making tKOIX a resounding success. With us being down our vice-chairman this year, it was essential that everyone stepped up to the plate to help pull this thing off. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. Despite life threatening storms, we somehow managed to play extra holes, and will hopefully still be allowed at each of the courses, the Best Western, and the Applebee’s next year!

Speaking of next year, mark your (ovulation) calendars now, because I don’t want to hear any excuses. The Tenth Kendallville Open will be begin on Friday, May 20th and conclude on Saturday, May 21st, in the year of our Lord 2016. There will be no exceptions made. Yes, we will be keeping the two day format. After hearing all of the cases for and against, the Board decided that there were just too many pros. Most of the cons came from people who either fell apart or next contended, claiming exhaustion. And to them, I say “kick rocks.” Not having to golf that Sunday was pure bliss. For those of you that are curious why we’re going back to the original date, we’re hoping the courses/hotel will be a little less crowded and the pre-peak season price break that comes before Memorial Day. We’ve obviously proved that Mother Nature is not the formidable foe we once feared, so no bitching about the threat of bad weather. Do yourself a favor and keep putting in those scores on, especially the scores from this year’s tKO. Even if you are on the outside looking in at next year’s field, stay the course. You never know what we have planned for the X.

Official Photog Mat did an incredible job of capturing this year’s tournament. And just to keep everyone focused on next  May, I’ll slowly start leaking some of those picture out over the off-season with a series of posts. Starting now….

tKOIX 295

The Hardware (Chapter 1)

tKOIX 212Shane learned that there are repercussions for putting co-ed rec league volleyball ahead of this storied event. Do not test the golf gods, Shane. I hope you take this hard lesson learned and come back next year with a black soul seeking only redemption and vengeance.

tKOIX 250While the RDGC finish (for the second year in a row) was more of a coronation of King Nate than nail biter, it will never get old witnessing history.  After upsetting six RDGC champ Mike R. last year, Nathan hasn’t looked back. Are we in the midst of the next legendary run in Kendallville? One can’t help but think so.

tKOIX 274And what more can we say about the tKOIX Bixler Champion, Austin M.? Joining the tournament in the great expansion of tKOIV, where his total score of 301 was good enough for a T10 finish, he’s score has improved every year, culminating in this year’s 273, edging out Rich for his spot in tKO folklore. His is a story of perseverance.

Let this post be a lesson to all of you, work hard enough and your dreams can be realized. But take for granted this beautiful land we call Kendallville, Indiana, and she will break your heart. Keep shooting for the stars, boys. Until next time, this is your commissioner signing off.

#tKOIX Eve…

Just a few points I meant to add in the last Rulez post and forgot. Nothing all that new here, just want to make sure everyone knows what the fuck is going on.

  • When posting stuff to social media, use the #tKOIX hashtag, so in two weeks when I’m incredibly depressed, it’ll be easy to look back at my run Bixler championship glory.
  • With the exception of the Scramble round on Saturday afternoon, everyone is playing their own ball on every hole for every shot. Even if your team gets closed out during the match play event in round one, make sure you finish the round.
  • Play every fucking hole. If you are sucking and about to get a 15 on a hole, make sure you actually finish it out. The moment you pick up mid-hole and just say give me an 8 is the exact moment when you officially withdrawal from tKOIX and I hate you forever.
  • As always, we’re playing gimmies inside the leather. That means if you put your putter (RIP PUTTY) head in the hole and your ball is before where you grip starts, the putt is good. You still have to count that stroke, but we can just assume that we’d make it if we tried, which is an incorrect assumption, but whatever.
  • No breakfast balls, no mulligans, not even on the first hole.
  • Play that shit as it lies. No adjusting your ball so it has a good lie in the rough. No fucking foot wedges. None of that shit. Have some goddamn pride, will ya?
  • You are responsible for your own score. I’m quoting this from last year’s post, but it deserves repeating: It is also your responsibility to keep an eye on everyone in your group’s score. I know that no one we’d invite would be a big enough dick to actually shave strokes, but I’m certain we’ve invited some people who can’t fucking count. So you think so and so got an 8 on a hole, but he says he got a 7. Bring it up. If you need to bring it up every hole, do so. Hopefully he will learn how to count his own strokes. If it continues to be a problem, you can say something to me, but all I can do is say “everyone in your group thinks you are either retarded or a cheating asshole, get your shit together.” This weekend is all about a good time, so pretty please with a cherry on top respect the game, the tournament, and your fellow competitors.

Alright boys, that’s the last of it. Everyone travel safely into Mecca today. God bless you, every last one of you.



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