Draft Party…

So we’re hitting pause on the whole payment situation until I can figure out how much the entry fee is going to be. This way you can just pay for everything at once and then all you’ll have to bring money for is booze, which will run you about …. all the money in the world. If you’ve already contacted the Kendallville people and provided your CC info, let me know and I’ll make sure that you aren’t charged and that all your information is sent to that prince in Nigeria that’s been emailing me. Hopefully I’ll have it figured out in the next week, so just stay tuned for that.

Anyway, much more exciting news coming up. And this is just for Chicago-land people, so all you assholes that moved away and left me here, you can eat one.

I’m talking about DRAFT PARTY!!!! We’re about to be like this, fam!

April 10th, 2015 – tKOIX Draft Party – Fairways Chicago

Why’s the draft so early? Because I’m working on big things. Nathan and Chris most likely won’t have a lot of recent rounds of out you guys to base their picks on, but who cares about actual on the course performance, tKO success is all about those good locker room guys. Also, this is the Friday of the Masters and we will be playing Augusta National on the simulator while shotgunning beers, unless they have Glendarin Hills loaded up. The location is actually Ben’s idea, so pair that with his idea to use that scoreboard app last year, and he’s almost worked off his debt for being a drunken idiot during the scramble.

So Chris and Nathan will draft their teams in private with me officiating, and then we’ll announce the teams to the masses. I’m looking for reactions like this out of you guys:

Or this:

So Chicago Suburbanites and/or dads, get that evening blocked off. We’ll probably do it around happy hour, assuming we can reserve it. Let me know if you’re in and we’ll book it.  And if at least one of you out-of-staters doesn’t fly in just for this, I will be extremely disappointed in you.

Pay up…



So the field is set and the Board is well on its way making moves for this year’s event. Like I’ve said a million times before, I always expect the next tKO to be the best yet, and this year is no different. We’re bringing back all of the favorites, such as the party bus to haul our drunk asses home on Saturday night, and adding a few new wrinkles that I’ll unveil when the time is right.

With all that said, I will need one thing from each of you. The good folks over at Kendallville switched up their payment policy this year and we’ll have to provide all of our info ahead of time. Credit card info must be on file with them 2 weeks before tKO, so by 5/15/2015 and we’ll be charged on 5/22/2015. I was going to put it all on my card, but the idea of hunting you all down to pay me back all while $8,000 was chilling on my credit card didn’t seem like such a great idea. So I’m going to need everyone to  fill out this form (GIG Booking Confirmation (00373718-3@xC02C8)) and send it to greatindianagolf@gmail.com or fax it to 260-349-1556. Our confirmation number is 1036 and reserved under my name. You have until May 15th, but please do so earlier for my peace of mind. While we can probably work it out, it would be a huge pain in my ass if someone’s reservation gets cancelled because they didn’t remember to call in credit card info.

It’s $352.73 and this covers golf/carts on Fri/Sat, hotel on Thur/Fri/Sat nights, and our lunches on Fri/Sat. If you’re interested in the practice round on Thursday afternoon, let me know. You’ll just pay for that round at the course, but I’ll still need to reserve the tee times.

So again, send this form (GIG Booking Confirmation (00373718-3@xC02C8))to greatindianagolf@gmail.com  or fax it to 260-349-1556 by May 15th, if not earlier. Our confirmation number is 1036 and reserved under my name.


The field is set…

Ladies and gentlemen,

It’s with a heavy heart that I’d like to announce the official field for The Kendallville Open IX. You’ll notice some tKO legends missing, the triumphant return of a tKO hero, and a fresh face. So with no further ado, here are your challengers:

Brendan, Mike C., Marty, Shane, Ian, Austin, Asian James, Greg, Jeremy, Keith, Mundelien Mark, Rich, White James, Ben, Danny, FNG Mark, Kevin, Wally, Nathan, Mat, Chris, Pete, Kevin James, and introducing Lloyd.

Our thoughts and prayers are with those who will not be able to make it this year. The contingency plan date was always going to cause scheduling issues with Curt, but he vows to be back for the X next year. You’ve been and will be missed, Curt, we can’t wait to see you back on board that train to Crazy Town soon, of course with fifth of Makers in hand. Also missing this year will be Best Mother Fucking Dressed mainstay Bryce. Bryce’s plate has been full (of skiing and legal recreational marijuana) since moving out to Denver. As is the case with Curt, I have every expectation to see Bryce back in beautiful northeast Indiana in 2016. But perhaps the biggest development going into tKOIX is the absence to six time champion Mike R. Mike, the floor is yours…

Statement on The Kendallville Open

For Immediate Release – February 27th, 2015

Right now, I need a lot of work on my game, and to still spend time with the people that are important to me. My play, and scores, are not acceptable for tournament golf. Like I’ve said, I enter a tournament to compete at the highest level, and when I think I’m ready, I’ll be back. I am committed to getting back to the pinnacle of my game. I’d like to play The Kendallville Open—it’s a tournament in the great state of Indiana and it’s very important to me—but I won’t be there this year as my game is not tournament-ready. That’s not fair to anyone. I do, however, expect to be playing again very soon (maybe like one or two rounds in 2015). I want to thank the fans of The Kendallville Open. They are always amazing. I greatly appreciate everyone’s support.

See you at tKOX.

(JK – I got my wife pregnant)

Seriously guys, you gotta start planning these things (kids) out a little better. Mike is confident his second daughter’s birthday won’t conflict with tKO when we move back to our original pre-Memorial Day weekend, so hopefully this will only be a one year absence. However, when the tKO Hall of Fame committee look back at Mike’s resume, this won’t be overlooked.

The silver lining here is that the three openings allowed Pete, Kevin James, and tKO rookie Lloyd into the field. If you need a refresher on Lloyd, I highly recommend looking back at his original application from 2013 (Lloyd – Official TKO Application). There will likely be a more in-depth introduction at a later point, but right now is a time to mourn.

Chris and Nathan, we’ll wait until the ground thaws and the boys can get some rounds in before RDGC v Bixler Cup teams are drafted, but it’s never too soon to start brainstorming some ideas.

Until then, forever in our hearts….


Official Business

After roughly 10,000 emails/phone calls with the good folks over at the Best Western of Kendallville, Indiana, I was finally able to confirm everything. Seriously, that shit was miserable. But we’re all good now.

The Kendallville Open IX – May 29th & 30th, 2015

Friday – 8AM @ Noblehawk & 2PM @ Cobblestone

Saturday – 8:30AM & 3PM @ Glendarin Hills

For the one millionth time, this is the Friday after Memorial Day, so keep that in mind. Also, unless you want to wake up at like 3 in the morning on Friday, you’ll have to come into Kendallville on Thursday night.

Golf/Hotel/Breakfast/Lunch = $352.73. This covers 3 nights in the hotel (Thursday, Friday, and Saturday), all your golf and cart fees, breakfast (if you can call it that) at the Best Western, and lunch on Friday and Saturday. I’ve set up lunch spreads for Friday at Cobblestone and Saturday at Glendarin that are both included in that number. Both rounds on Friday are shotgun starts, so timing shouldn’t be an issue. The Best Western has changed their booking policy and now your cards will be charged 7 days before check in, so this means either you have each have to individually call in your credit card information or I can put my card down for everyone and you’ll just give me that money. I think it’ll be much easier for everyone if I just put my card down and collect money from you, but if you have a problem with that, let me know.

I’m sure some of us will head over early on Thursday for a practice round, but that will be paid for separately and I’ll have to do is let them know how many we have, so I’ll finalize that later on.

Mike R. and I are still trying to figure out some of the details of this year’s tournament, so the exact entry fee has not been decided yet. However, I have already booked the charter bus for Saturday (pick up at 10PM this year!!!!) and the hole in one insurance. But when we have everything figured out, I’ll let you all know the details there.

Since my PC is on its last legs, there won’t be a video invitation this year, so we’re going with the middle school basketball team cuts technique. If you see your name on the list below, you are officially in the tKOIX field. You have until February 28th to accept. If I don’t hear from you by then, I’ll assume you are out and proceed down the waitlist. However, because we’ve had so many issues nailing the date down this year, there will be no penalty points for missing this year’s event. Also, we are 100% going back to our original date of the weekend before Memorial Day for tKOX, the contingency plan is no more. Stop knocking these hoes up! Anyway, on to the cuts (listed in order of tKO score):

  • Brendan
  • Mike R.
  • Mike C.
  • Marty
  • Shane
  • Ian
  • Austin
  • Asian James
  • Greg
  • Jeremy
  • Keith
  • Mustang Mark
  • Rich
  • White James
  • Ben
  • Bryce
  • Danny
  • FNG Mark
  • Kevin
  • Wally
  • Defending Champ Nate
  • Mat
  • Defending Champ Chris
  • Pete

Alright boys, remember RSVP BY FEBRUARY 28TH. Congratulations on your invitation.


tKOIX – May 29 & 30, 2015

So I’m still working on finalizing some of the tee times for Saturday, but tKOIX will most likely be May 29th & 30th. This is the Friday and Saturday after Memorial Day, so get that date on your calendars. I know the contingency date was originally vetoed, but as it turns out, the courses and hotels were already booked.

I’ve failed you all. I’ve always felt the Kendallville Open was too big to fail, but its legendary tales have finally spread to the masses and we are ones left behind. This reminds me of the story of Icarus, flying too near the Sun.

With Kendallville now rivaling Bandon Dunes and Myrtle Beach as the top golf destinations in the country, we’ll have to start booking tKO earlier moving forward. I mean like a year in advance. I’m not joking. I know. I don’t understand it either. But this means there will be no more contingency plans starting next year. Knock some chick up? Sorry.

Anyway, I’m hoping to have all the details for tKOIX locked up this week and once everything is confirmed, I’ll post the details here. In the meantime, check in with the boss/significant other and open that date up. Since we’ve moved the date around a million times, the final RSVP date is pushed back to February 15th. This way you can take your wife out to a romantic candle lit Valentine’s Day dinner, split a nice bottle of wine (or three), and then subtly let her know that you have plans May 29th and 30th when she’s wine drunk.

I know I’ve let you all down so far, but I promise to make it up to you. The Kendallville Open IX will be so legendary that town will never make the mistake of overbooking on our weekend again, because there will be nothing left come the morning sun.

He actually had the nerve to request it….

So, I’ll let the culprit remain anonymous (I’m sure you guys can figure it out), but someone actually requested to put the Contingency Plan into effect for tKOIX. This would move the Nine from May 15/16 to May 29/30. I’m sure you all have the bylaws of the Contingency Plan memorized, but just in case you need a refresher, here is how the voting process works:

  • If a single invited tKO participant votes against the alternate weekend, the vote immediately does not pass and the Kendallville Open will take place on normally scheduled weekend before Memorial Day.
  • An invited participant can vote against the alternate weekend for any reason they choose and without any explanation of their decision. Only invited participants have a say in the initial vote, if and when alternates are selected, they will not have a vote. All votes will be kept confidential.
  • Voting closes at the stroke of Midnight on New Year’s Eve, perhaps will have a countdown and coinciding ball drop.

So if you vote “Nae”, just shot me and email. Again, the sooner, the better. Same with those of you who won’t be making it this year, let me know ASAP, so I can let the Wait List know what’s up. Pete was less than happy with me when I told him he was the first man out.

In other tKO news, I received only positive feedback for the proposed two day schedule for tKOIX, so it looks like we’ll be rolling with that next year. We also figured out the scoring for the team event. See below, nerds!

Round 1 (Friday Morning – Noble Hawk) – This will be the same as last year’s first round. Two players from each team will face off against two players from the other team, in a handicap weighted aggregate scored match play event. Each match will be worth 6 points, halved matches will obviously be split 3-3.

Round 2 (Friday Afternoon – Cobblestone) – This will be the same as last year’s morning round at Glendarin Hills. Two players from each team will be randomly drawn to play two players from the other. The lowest handicap weighted individual score wins 6 points, next lowest would win 3 points, followed by 1 point, and last place receiving 0 points. Points will be split accordingly for tied scores.

Round 3 (Saturday Morning – Glendarin Hills) – This is what has traditionally been the Sunday round at Noble Hawk. Foursomes will again be flighted based on their previous two scores, with no respect to RDGC vs Bixler teams. Points toward the team event will be awarded solely on the performance of the third round. The best handicap weighted score will receive 12 points, than 11.5 for the next best, and so on, with last place earning .5 points for their team. Plus an additional 2 points for each team for a Flight Champion.

Round 4 (Saturday Afternoon – Glendarin Hills) – The scramble. +5 points for every stroke under par, -5 points for every stroke over par.

Trust me, a ridiculous amount of work went into figuring this out. There were multiple spreadsheets involved so you know it’s right. However, NC State’s own Mark S. (and his applied math / statistics double major) was heavily involved, so I’ll understand if you still have some doubts. But I think we’re all good. In case you were wondering the point distribution across the rounds goes something like 13% / 21% / 29% / 37% respectively.

So you have until the end of December to let know what you think about the Contingency Vote, but come January 1st, the date will be set in stone, I want to get our dates in with the Dedicated Golf Coordinator ASAP as well as get to work with Glendarin and Cobblestone about food services, not to mention booking the bus and hole in one insurance policies.

Alright gents, hopefully everyone had a pleasant Thanksgiving, and no one was assaulted by their significant others with a 7 iron. Speaking of which, Tiger looks like his in midseason form for tKOIX!

Wrap it up, B!

Just dropping in for a quick reminder, anyone looking to put the contingency plan into place for tKOIX must do so by December 1st. If you need a refresher on how this works, click here. If someone does in fact request the Contingency Plan, the backup weekend is May 29th and 30th. Remember, you are only allowed to ask for the Contingency Plan if your significant other is pregnant and if a single person rejects the request FOR ANY REASON, tough shit, bud.

Also, we’re expecting the return of Shane and Curt to the fold this year, so that would push last year’s co-rookies of the year Pete and Kevin James to the on deck circle. So the sooner we know what the field is going to be, the sooner they’ll know if they are getting called back up for another shot at the majors. And we’ll also know if we need to dip into the Wait List this year. Speaking of which, if you got a buddy you think would be a good fit, applications are also due on 12/1.

tKOIX is currently slated for May 15th and 16th, 2014. Yes, that is only two days. Unless someone makes a very compelling argument against it, we’ll be moving to the 2 rounds a day format next year.  The Board is still ironing out all the details of how scoring will work, but all four rounds will count in the RDGC v Bixler Cup, captained by Chris and Nathan respectively. The preliminary format is as follows:

Friday morning, May 15th, 2015 – Noblehawk – The format of this round will be the same as last year’s opening round. Two RDGC team members vs two Bixler team members in a handicap weighted, combined score match play event.

Friday afternoon, May 15th, 2015 – Cobblestone - This round will be the same as last year’s second (played in the morning at Glendarin Hills), foursomes will be drawn at random, two per team per foursome, with the lowest handicap weighted round earning the most amount of points, followed by the second lowest, and so on.

Saturday morning, May 16th, 2015 – Glendarin Hills – This will be what was traditionally known as the final round. We’ll repair into our flights based on your day 1 scores and play it out for both the RDGC Cup and Bixler Blazer. The Board is still working out how scoring will play back into the team game, but it definitely will some how, so if you have any suggestions, feel free to let us know.

Saturday afternoon, May 16th, 2015 – Glendarin Hills – The Scramble.

In case you wanted a peek behind the tKO curtain, here is the thought process in making this change.

Cons first:

  • Players will be required to arrive in Kendallville on either on Thursday night or Friday morning in time for an 8 AM tee time.
  • There are some concerns with the logistics between the Friday morning and afternoon rounds. However, the courses are no more than 5 mins apart and I plan on coordinating a lunch spread at Cobblestone, similar to what we had at Glendarin last year, so hopefully this will alleviate some of those time constraints.
  • Back to back days of 36 holes will be demanding on you body, mind, soul, and liver.


  • Noble Hawk is everyone’s least favorite course, along with them being the least receptive to our shenanigans. This way, we are getting it out of the way early, and presumably we’ll have a little more run of the course considering it will be much emptier.
  • This will eliminate everyone’s miserably hungover round on Sunday morning. Everyone will still be miserably hungover, but at least you won’t have to play golf. Sleep in, eat a delicious crepe at Maria’s crepe house, and make your way home at your leisure. This should also make things easier for those who fly in for tKO.
  • All four rounds will count towards the Team Bixler vs Team RDGC competition.
  • We’ll finally be able to have a proper trophy presentation and closing ceremonies, on the patio at Glendarin Hills. We’ll also schedule the bus to leave much, much later.
  • Most importantly, he highlight of every tKO is always the Scramble, by making it the last event of the tournament everyone will be able to go full throttle without worrying about the repercussions affecting their chance at winning a flight title, RDGC Cup, or Bixler Blazer.

I know that was a lot to take in on Friday evening, but with only six months left to prep, it’s time to start getting in the right frame of mine. It won’t be another five months between posts, promises. I have some big things in the cooker for El Nueve.

PS. It was snowing in Chicago this morning.

On to the next one…


photo (2)

One last time, thanks to everyone involved in making the Kendallville Open VIII such a huge success. And congratulations to all the victors.

Ryde of Die Cup: #TeamThailand (#Blessed)

Flight winners: Nathan, Tall James, Ian, Greg, Kevin, Pete

Best Mother Fucking Dressed: Your truly, but in a close second Linen James

Money Leader: Mike C.

RDGC Cup: Nathan

Bixler Blazer: Chris

I’ve updated the Player Bios, History, and the Wait List pages to reflect the history that was made last weekend. If you have pictures/videos from this weekend, go ahead and send them my way, and I’ll put together an image gallery for the Ocho. Or you can just search Twitter and Instagram for the #tKOCHO hashtag as I’ve been doing for the last week. Not depressed at all.

As I’m sure you all know, the Board is already hard at work stepping things up for the 9, so keep an eye out for updates. We’re going back to the original weekend next year, so go ahead and clear out May 15-17, 2015 on you calendar. Ian, I’d appreciate it if you could talk to the folks over at IRS Shorts and put together some kind of educational video on the timing of conception and sooner rather than later seeing how some of the boys had issues with that last year. And no fucking volleyball for the next year, Shane.

Also, if you haven’t paid (and there are two of you left), I’d love to get that check.

In the meantime, BRACE YO’ SELF FOR THE NINE!!!


Let’s Go.

Alright, men. Here’s the last post before shipping out to Kendallville. I hope everyone’s ready.

If you are coming out on Friday, the total cost is $288.90, which includes your lunch on Saturday afternoon at Glendarin. $374.79 if you are coming out on Thursday. And if you haven’t already please either Chase Quick Pay me $75 or just bring $75 in cash to the tournament. This covers your bus ride on Saturday, plus all the awards and prizes for the tournament.

Here are the rooming assignments. Don’t like it? Too fucking bad.

Wally & Brendan

Mike R. & White James

Ian & Asian James

Kevin & Paul Blart Mall Cop

Ben & Danny

Keith & Rich

Mark C. & Mat

Nathan & Mark S.

Jeremy & Greg

Pete & Chris

Marty & Mike C.

Austin & Bryce

Here are the mobile event codes for the Status4 app in case your adoring fans want to watch the drama unfold live. Please try to sign in ON A COMPUTER, NOT YOUR PHONE to accept the invitations. Only one person in each foursome needs to enter in scores per hole, I’ll designate that responsibility to someone. Enter in the following codes on the Live Scoring tab of the phone app to follow the scores live.

Thursday (practice round): 6rax

Friday: syad

Saturday: euju

Sunday: od7b

Speaking of apps and shit, remember to use the #tKOCHO hashtag during the tournament. Service in Kendallville shit (shocker), so using #hashtag will make it a lot easier to follow what’s going on.

If you happen to be a defending champ (Bixler, RDGC, or DFL), don’t forget to bring the trophy. And just as a reminder, the DFL is given to whoever finishes in dead last of the Bixler rankings. Also, Greg, please make sure you child didn’t throw up all over the Whale head cover and bring that along too.

That just about covers it all, I hope you guys are as pumped as I am. Safe travels to everyone on their trips to Mecca and remember to #Pray4Shane.


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